~Home Sweet Home~

Touched down in Sydney at 8.10pm this evening.. the weather here is MUCH better then melb.. keke.. its cool but not cold like melb! or raining!! =P i had HEAPS of fun in melb.. i would reallie like to thank Cheen, Yi Ling and Justin(not like hes going to read this) for EVERYTHING! kekeke.. thanks to yi ling for picking sheep n me up n droping us off and bringing us sua kus around.. keke..thanks to wang cheen and yi ling for keeping us company for almost all my waking hours there.. for taking us to eat all those yummy food.. kekeke( i think i put on more than 2 kgs in that 5 days! =\) thanks justin for letting sheep n me invade ur place.. now it must seem HEAPS bigger rite?? with all our mess gone.. ahhaa.. n the medicine cupboard.. =P ohh.. yeah.. thanks to u guys for putting up with my n sheeps nonsense.. ahhaha.. mostly sheep la hoh? *wink* =P hope to see u guys in syd soon k?! take care.. *HuGz* luv ya!

oopps.. got carried away with the thanking.. hahaha.. but i reallie appreciated the trouble they went thru.. were with us the whole 5 days.. day n nite.. kekeke.. we ate n ate n ate.. i think ave 4 eating sessions a day! *glutton* hahahaha.. lets see.. in the 5 days(slightly less) i was there i ate/drank in i think 17 different places.. hahahaha.. can u imagine?!=P ohh.. i walked around quite abit as well.. but doesent justify it.. hahaha.. met up with a fren i knew during highskool.. i only knew leanna for about a yr before she left for melb.. wasnt reallie close to her that time coz she was a senior.. but then somehow i managed to find her thru frenster.. (amazingly).. called her up a few days before i left for melb.. made an appointment to meet up.. n we did.. n we talked n crapped like we've known each other for ages.. ahha.. it was pretty funnee.. even tho she was so stressed about her thesis due in 4 weeks i think she made an effort to meet up with me.. twice as well! kinda shows that sometimes it doesent matter the distance or how long u've known someone.. sometimes u can just talk to them.. of coz u wont talk about TOO personal stuff.. but just someone to talk to.. u may know someone for ages n ages.. see them everyday.. but then u still cant talk to them.. its like u both are tuning in on different frequencies.. kekeke.. and sometimes its different.. u were very very close with someone.. but then u dont meet up for a long time.. then u do.. then its all weird.. maybe u've grown apart or something.. but its like u are strangers again.. its reallie awkward.. especially since u were so familiar with them before.. n now u just dont know how to act.. *shrugs*

hahaha.. i still havent got back to the topic of the day.. keep getting distracted.. kekeke.. well.. im home.. n its good to be home.. even tho i miss my kawan in melb.. but tonite i get to sleep in my own bed! with all my softtoys!! n i dont have to smell like smoke !! (no offence Just..) keke.. but ur place does REALLIE smell like smoke!all my clothes smell! but have to face reality again.. back to skool n the mountain of work that i have been putting off.. =oh well.. good luck to me!! =P

The Brilliant Dance by Dashboard Confessionals

So this is odd,
the painful realization that has all gone wrong.
And nobody cares at all,
and nobody cares at all.

So you buried all your lover's clothes
and burned the letters lover wrote,
but it doesn't make it any better.
Does it make it any better?
And the plaster dented from your fist
in the hall where you had your first kiss
reminds you that the memories will fade.

So this is strange,
our sidestepping has come to be a brilliant dance
where nobody leads at all,
where nobody leads at all.

And the picture frames are facing down
and the ringing from this empty sound
is deafening and keeping you from sleep.
And breathing is a foreign task
and thinking's just too much to ask
and you're measuring your minutes by a clock that's blinking eights.

This is incredible.
Starving, insatiable,
yes, this is love for the first time.
Well you'd like to think that you were invincible.
Yeah, well weren't we all once before we felt loss for the first time?
Well this is the last time.


*thoughts*
i think that we all would like to think "this is the last time".. that we would'nt let ourselves be hurt another time.. that we would have learnt our lesson.. we try to wrap our heart in bubble wrap .. we build walls protecting ourselves.. but are we just hiding ourselves from the outside world? would it make a difference?for some all it takes is a word or gesture from the right person before our walls start crumbling down.. (i admit im in this category).. some others mite protect themselves so well that they dont feel any strong emotions anymore.. they no longer see joy n happiness in a touch.. instead they see it leading to heartache n tears in the future.. yes its true.. everything in this world comes to an end.. but if we alwiz looked to the sad ending of things.. the world would indeed be a bleak n depressing place.. why wake up in the morning if u are going to sleep again that same nite? why get a pet if it is going to eventually die? why love anyone or anything in this world if they are going to eventually die/leave?
why u ask.. well.. think of all the wonderful experiences u go thru.. think of the fond memories that u can hug to urself when u are feeling sad n blue.. think of all the emotions u feel.. i dont think anything in the world can add up to the warmth, love n sense of security u feel when u are with a loved one..and that barely begins to describe the intoxicating rush of emotions.. if one tries to build a wall protecting your heart.. they must realise that they are in fact keeping these emotions at bay.. the wall keeps these emotions from going out but they keep them from coming in as well..

ohmigosh i cant beliff i just rambled on n on.. hahaha.. i actually forgot wat i initially wanted to write .. just saw the last sentence n mind wandered totally off course..=P
oh well.. i think the lyrics of this song describes the pain of heartbreak pretty well.. of how we try to avoid stuff that reminds us of the one that left but it doesent reallie make much a difference.. coz if the heart does not want to forget.. the memories will live on n continue playing in our minds.. (unless of coz u have super human will power! =P) i dont beliff that time heals all wounds.. maybe it just dulls it to a tolerable level.. or we just get used to it till we just dont notice it anymore.. unless we make an effort.. those wounds will never heal on its own.. ok i think im begining to ramble again.. blame it on fatigue.. =P better stop here!

~Melbourne~

The weather in melbourne is HOWWIBLEEE!! got here last nite(thurs nite).. went to sleep at like 3.. woke up at 5 coz it started raining so heavily n the rain drops were going like *splat splat* against the windows and balcony.. and its been raining the WHOLEEE day!! its like 2.50 in the morning now n its still drizzling.. can u beliff it?!was walking around the whole day in the rain.. =\ am talking to John in syd and he said the weather there today was greaT! *wrinkles up nose*
oh well.. enjoyed the day (besides the rain n the galavanting around in heeled boots *i know.. vanity*.. ) 4 days more here before i have to face reality again in syd.. (n its forecasted to be raining till monday!!) =P

~Haikus~

saw the haiku on Jermy's page then went to dig out a few old ones i wrote ages ago.. mines very short..

~Dreams~

Dream a little dream..
Dream of something wonderful..
Hope you dreamt of me..

wrote tat once upon a time a long time ago when i put my hopes and dreams n faith on the line..

~Love~

My heart lays shattered..
How can love hurt one so much..
When its meant to heal..

then this was when all that came shattering down..

oh well.. maybe u write ur best when ur emotions are high/low.. maybe thats when u write wat u truly think.. *shrugs*

~My cousin Sheep~

you wont beliff how grateful i am that my cousin Shee Pinn came to visit me this easter holidays.. so far we've had so much fun doing next to nothing.. haha.. from watching dvds almost everynite.. talking ourselves to sleep.. waking up late n walking around adventuring.. keke.. her being here has kept me busy n kept me from feeling lonely n alone.. with her here.. at least i dont spend so much time thinking n dwelling on 'other stuff'.. stuff which i can do next to nothing to change and is much better left alone.. =P
heres a pic of shih wei(other darling cousin), sheep n me.. keke.. havent uploaded a recent pic (due to lack of digital cam here).. this ones from Chinese New Year this year.. =))
Love ya Heaps dear!! *HuGz*

~Lyrics~

read this lyrics in someone's blog.. n it describes almost exactly how i feel..

~The Promise - Tracy Chapman~

If you wait for me
Then I'll come for you
Although I've travelled far
I always hold a place for you
In my heart

If you think of me
If you miss me once in a while
Then I'll return to you
I'll return and fill that space
In your heart

Remembering your touch
Your kiss, your warm embrace
I'll find my way back to you
If you'll be waiting

If you dream of me
Like I dream of you
In a place that's warm and dark
In a place where I can feel the beating
Of your heart

I've longed for you
And I have desired
To see your face, your smile
To be with you
Wherever you are

Remembering your touch
Your kiss, your warm embrace
I'll find my way back to you
Please say you'll be waiting

Together again
It would feel so good to be
In your arms
Where all my journeys end
If you can make a promise
If it's one that you can keep
I vow to come for you
If you wait for me

And say you'll hold
A place for me..


In your heart.

~Wants and Needs~

You know sometimes when u want something so badly.. u feel like u cant live without that something.. that your life wont be complete without it? this feeling of "want" never diminishes.. it only grows n grows till u feel lost without it..

very seldom do our "wants" and "needs" coincide.. the "want" for something is like a craving we have.. its like this itch that needs to be scratched.. whereas a "need" is something that we absolutely cannot live without.. like we need air to breathe n live.. but very seldom do we spend so much time thinking of our "needs".. we eat when we need/feel to.. we wear clothes to cover ourselves(at least most of us do).. we breathe without even thinking about it.. but then the feeling of "Want" consumes us.. we sometimes feel that we cannot live without something that we want.. we then think of that "want" as a NEED.. a need that HAS to be fullfilled.. but sometimes this feeling of "want" can be bad for u.. but do we care.. NOPEz.. hahaha.. we'll deal with the consequences when it happens.. haha.. lets enjoy it first.. =P

soo.. are our lives based on endless pursuit of "WANTS".. wants that consume us and drive our actions and emotions?! am i even making sense?

ARGHH!!!!! feel damn FRUSSSSTT!!!

~Frens~

How do u define best frenz.. for me.. i think its like acquaintances, frenz, close frenz n best frenz.. i dont have ONE best fren.. but i have a few.. n they are very very important to me.. comes right after my family.. its them who have seen me thru thick n thin.. thru laugther n tears.. i dont define a best fren as one who accompanies me 24/7 or goes out to party with me all the time.. they dont have to be physically close to me.. the most important thing is that they are there emotionally.. that they are there to share our happiness with one another.. to help each other thru boredom.. to pull me up when i'm down n out.. n i hope that im there when they need me.. even if its to lend a ear or a shoulder to cry on or to wipe away those tears.. if its to jump around in glee to celebrate or to hyperventilate with when something exciting happens.. anything goes.. come rain, shine or thunderstorm.. i hope they know that.. n i hope they know that i love them.. heaps n heaps.. *HuGz* =p

~Thoughtful~

Todays entry is related to the one dated 8th April (Thurs) titled undecided.. u know how i ended about being sure enuff about wat i want?? well.. something happened a few days ago and i tot i finally managed to change my decision to one where the chances of me getting hurt is zero or minimal..i tot that i could harden my heart and i thought that my mind finally managed to over rule my heart in making the so called "right" decision.. but then..yesterday something small had to happen to put the decision in limbo again.. i cant beliff that im so easily swayed sometimes.. its shocking!! =| kkeke..

oh well.. back to square one of indecision.. hahaha.. im HOPELESSSSSS..

alrite.. tat was very depressing..
on a positive side.. i CANT WAIT FOR SHEEP TO GET HERE!!! 5 hours n counting!! =)

~Words~

today my entry is similar to Jeremy's dated 1st April.. wat words can do to a person.. how it has the ability to make u doubt urself.. or how once said, whether intentionally or not.. stays in your mind n manifests itself until u wonder whether its true.. whether u are wat they say u are..
maybe its just me.. i seriously dont care wat other ppl think of me.. coz they dont know me.. but i reallie reallie care wat those close to me think about me.. and when one of them in not so many words implies that im a certain "type of person".. it hurts.. no matter how i try to tell myself it doesent matter wat ppl think.. it still hurts.. especially if its something that im so terrified of being.. runs along the lines of one of my previous blog.. self-centred.. it wasnt exactly tat.. but something similar..
now i ask myself.. if one fren can think tat of me.. how many others think the same.. and most importantly.. i begin to doubt myself.. whether or not i REALLIE AM self centered.. no matter how i try to shut it out.. it creeps back in.. n i begin to think about all the things i do.. analyzing them to see whether theres a sign that shows that i AM being self centered..
i dont know how to feel.. should i feel angry at them for saying such a thing .. or should i take it in n reflect on it.. try to improve myself.. *shrugs*

~Birthday Wishes~

Belated birthday wishes to Luke Chai..*HuGz*.. hope u had a FANTASTIC birthday!! cant wait till sheep gets here!! *jumps up n down in glee* dont worry.. we'll be good gals!! *wink* =P

~Birthday Wishes~

Happy 1 day Belated birthday wishes goes to Allen David!! (no its not that i forgot.. i DID call him n wish him on time!=P) big boy di le.. n im still waiting for my pressie!! better be better one since u FORGOT my bday!! =P
*HuGz*

~Undecided~

i still havent decided wat to do.. its been two days.. (Actually been longer than that la.. was thinking about it since god knows when.. ) i've just sorta pushed it to the back of my mind n decided that i will deal with it when i REALLIE cant stand it anymore.. i know im just avoiding the problem.. but.. heck.. its a problem i brought onto myself anyway.. hahaha.. the longer i put it off.. maybe i will just forget about it(yeah rite) haha.. wishful thinking..
oh well.. life goes on.. with or without u.. so rather then just lose myself in my indecision, i think it would be better for me to try to put it aside n face it when i have to or when im sure enuff of wat i want.. if im ever sure enuff.. hahaa.. no wait..i am sure.. but i know i cant get wat i want so im trying to change my decision.. haha.. complicated enuff?

~Confusion~

i think its clear by now that i am a very emotionally driven person.. and yes my thoughts can be very choatic at times.. (actually most of the time).. but now.. now its confusion.. i just dunno wat to do.. my heart tells me to do one thing n my brain tells me to do another.. i dont think they have ever been at so much at conflict as they are now.. its like u reallie wanna do something.. but u are so worried about the consequences.. usually i can just judge n estimate the consequences then decide whether anot to act.. but now.. now im scared.. n this panic attack has just about screwed up everything.. the more i think about it the more scared i get.. u ask yourself.. what do u have to lose.. sometimes its so hard to judge n quantify that.. would your pride be counted? or the fact that u could be destroying ideals n memories that u hold dear to you..
question.. somtimes is it better to live in ignorant bliss or is it alwiz better to know the truth??

~Obsession~

theres so many things in life that u can be obsessed about.. chocky, cleaniness, ppl, food, object n plenty more im sure.. but wat qualifies as an obsession? is it the fact that u think about it all the time.. its the first thought on your mind when u wake up and the last thing that runs thru ur mind before u go to bed? is it the fact tat u yearn for it and will go thru great lengths to satisfy that yearning? that without it u feel abit lost n dazed? n when u satisfy that yearning its just pure bliss.. is it like an addiction u can never get enuff of??

[Note]: opps.. gotta go now.. late for meeting.. to be continued later!

[3 hours later]: meeting completed and gym session done.. next thing on agenda is cramming for quiz tomolo! =\ ..
anyway.. back to the topic earlier.. how do u class the "want" for something as an obsession? u may just reallie want/like it.. and if obsessions are unhealthy, how do u break them? getting off coffee was bad enuff.. twice in fact.. so i cant imagine the "withdraw" hahha.. and no.. im not reallie obsessed about anything.. just wondering about it.. =P

~Birthday Wishes~

Travis Loh turns 21 today!! kekeke.. joins the ranks of the "OH NO im 21!! getting old di!" hahaha.. i hope u had a FANTASTIC n memorable birthday.. keke.. u better!! since u spent more then 3 quater of your birthday with li ann n me!! hahaha.. *HuGz*

it hurts.. so much sometimes..
*takes a deep breath* i can do this..

~Happy~

what does it take to make a person happy.. alcohol works..for awhile.. chocky? maybe.. (but i cant take too much anyway.. ) i was watching "someone like you" on tv just now.. its a reallie sweet show.. but by the time the movie ended.. a whole range of emotions was going thru me.. would i ever find the OnE?? if i did.. would he feel the same?? is there a RIGHT guy for me out there somewhere? wat if i did find him.. n he dint feel the same.. i would be devastated.. i once tot tat i did find the rite one.. unfortunately he dint feel the same.. n even tho im coping with it.. i'll never forget the hurt.. its like even tho u try ur damn hardest.. it wont alwiz work out the way u want it to.. yeap.. lifes not alwiz fair.. it rarely is..
ok.. theres a valid reason for todays rambling.. just got back from a 21st party.. 1 of my frenz just broke up with a shitty bf n another is having gf probs.. as u can see.. love does NOT conquer all.. most of the time its not enuff.. sadly..
so the question of the day is.. how do u know when u've met mr/ms Right?!.. think about it.. its very easy to find a mr/ms Right NOW.. but how do u know its for ever?!

~Patrick n Ducky!~



hope this photobucket thingie works!! aint patrick n ducky the cutest!! keke..

~Birthday Wishes~

ohh.. i forgot.. birthday wishes..
happy belated birthday to Tricia Koh who turned 21 yesterday (31st March) =P get out there n PAR-TAYY!..
and big Birthday Wishes to Yinfu whos bithday coincides with guess wat.. yeap.. april fools day.. keke.. dont worry.. regardless of wat u think.. you are NOT old.. =P
*Hugz*

~Self-Centered~

How do you define someone that is self centered?? issit when they think of themselves first and foremost.. when they get upset when things dont go their way?? well.. if its such.. then i think that i'm self centered.. i dunno.. sometimes u tend to see things as how they relate to you..wat they can bring to you.. by doing this for someone.. wat can u get out of it.. its not that i wont do the favour for them if i cant get anything.. but naturally the thought just comes into your mind.. i hope im making sense here.. and of coz im upset when things dont go my way (which is pretty often).. who wouldnt?!
okay..wait.. definition of self-centered in the Oxfords dictionary: tending to think only about yourself and not thinking about the needs or feelings of other people..
now.. if u put it tat way.. maybe im not so self centered.. haha.. how can someone ONLY think of themselves without thinking of the feelings of other ppl.. thats just strange.. do i do that? *ponders for abit* dont think so kuaaaa.. i dunno.. hahaha..
maybe im selfish but not so much self centered.. *shurgs*