~Better days to come?~

whole new day today.. brighter? i'm not too sure about that.. i thought i was pretty well prepared for the paper this morning.. but.. as usual i was wrong.. i was sitting there thinking n looking around n ppl around me wrote HEAPS n HEAPS! i think i wrote like half the amount of wat the majority wrote.. and thats like squeezing all the info out of my lil goldfish brain di.. this paper was one of those 'apply facts' one.. either u know your shit or u dint.. cannot bullshit one.. n yes.. like me.. i dont think i knew my shit.. i know it sounds like i whine for every single paper i sit.. but trust me when i say i've never had such a complete horrid end session before! usually im only worried about one or two of my papers.. but this time.. its ALL FOUR!! n even after the exams i'm still worried about them! =( i blame it partly on myself n partly on how they structure some of the subjects where our assignments during session have little/no relation to wats coming up in the exam! i know we are old enuff to do our own readings.. but!! still!! and 2 of them dint even have proper tutorials! humph!! haha.. looking left right n center for things to blame for my crap papers! =P

hmm.. yes.. about the day yesterday? as i mentioned in my previous blog.. even before it started it was bad.. when i woke up i was feeling like shit alredi.. (actually felt pretty bad the nite before too).. but i just thought that all the late nites n lack of sleep was just catching up.. so i just shrugged it off.. the backache i tot was just from sleeping wrongly..but then after breakfast.. my stomach was REALLie starting to feel quesy.. couldnt keep my cereal down.. *wrinkles nose* and my lower back was reallie begining to bother me.. to give me credit i DID try to concentrate.. but then if my attention span normally is like a goldfish's.. yesterday i think it was half of tat.. laine came back at bout 1.. poor dear .. lousy paper AND parking tix.. talked to her abit.. then i reallie couldnt stand it so i went to take a nap.. woke up not feeling much better.. wanted to go get lunch.. n t hats when we realised the keys was missing.. searched high n low.. laine went knock knocking on the apartments after mine.. to no avail.. mean ppl! =( towards the evening.. my back was reallie begining to hurt.. the pain was spreading upwards.. i have no idea why it was aching.. it wasnt as bad as the last time i had gastric where i could feel the pain sparking up everytime i took a breath.. but it was damn irritating and i couldnt sit for long..=anyway.. well.. thanks to deep heat.. n thanks to yinfu for getting it! =P saviour.. it was better in the eve.. but towards the end of the nite it returned =(

feeling all shitty and sick wasnt the reallie crap thing.. feeling all shitty sick AND worrying about the next 2 exams in the next 2 days was the thing that felt the crappiest.. n today my tummy is still feeling quesy.. and i think now its partly gastric coz i only had like a bowl of porridge the whole day yest(minus the cereal that dint stay in anyway!) no diary creamy or oily stuff for me in the next few days i think.. enough whining.. back to cramming.. see im even rhyming!

~Bad.day.dying.*sniff*~

even before the day started it wasnt good alredi.. had a dream about getting a fine on the bus.. n it just got progressively worse.. lets hope tomolo n thurs will be a much better brighter day.. will write about my howwible day tomolo.. too frustrated to think about it now.. if u cant wait to read wat a horrid day.. check out laineys blog.. till then.. fingers crossed everyone that lyn has a better day tomolo! n thurs!

~Poem by Lainey~

i cried myself to sleep today
wishing you were here
my heart has fallen heavy
there is no one to hear
my calls to you

changes with the moments
uncontrolled my me
making do with what i have
trying to get free
chained onto the bars of fate
not letting me move
who decides on the next act
wishing it were smooth

my calls to you were muted
as i lay down on the ground
i rock myself to sleep
in my dreams i'm found
so hear my voice

pain is not my friend
and i wonder when it'll end
pain just go away tonite; isolate me



*its sad.. but *shrugs*.. she wrote it ermm.. in dec last yr.. it was on one of her blogs..

~Little Poem~

just a little poem lainey wrote down ages ago but doesent know who its by.. i tot it was reallie sweet..

Love is a touch,
Tender with care.
A meaningful look,
Secrets to share.

Love is a mood,
Laughter or tears.
Shared by two hearts that grow
Through the years.

Love is excitement,
A joy ever new.
Love is faith,
That dreams can come true..


*well.. tats y i belieff that u should never never stop dreaming.. somehow somewhere one day u will find someone who will dream with you.. who will make ur dreams become a reality.. or at least try his/her best to.. its not so much the result.. its the effort i reckon.. most of all.. i beliff love is faith n trust.. faith in the relationship.. faith in your loved one.. trust in urself n them to make it work.. *Shrugs*.. but who am i to say.. im just one of the million ppl in this world in search of that elusive emotion..

~Halfway there~

two down.. two more to go! had my second paper 2 days ago(thurs).. it was ALOT harder then i expected.. the lecturer(this is the nice one that gave us extension for the assignment) gave us 2 revision lect n said that they would be a good indication of the exam.. well.. he lied!! *Wrinkles nose*.. i thought that i could pass it.. but then like everyone was like reallie scared they would fail.. n i mean everyone.. even those scholarship students.. hmm.. makes me worried mannn.. n this is core which is not offered next session.. everyone walked out of the exam hall n went.. 'see u next yr'.. oh dear..

well.. after that needed abit of pick me up.. so decided to take the day off.. (actually decided tat before the exam.. haha) went to fishmarket with laine jin trav n john.. n we over ate as usual.. we had cooked seafood.. raw seafood.. haha.. *glutten* after that went shopping in the city.. everything is STILL on SALES.. but only walked for abit.. (with 2 guys ma).. elaine had to go to work at 6.. and then trav n jin sorta coerced me into playing starcraft with them.. keke.. tats one strategy game that i never played before.. needless to say i sucked! haha.. but for some reason i'm alwiz the first one to be attacked by the damn comp.. (smart comp can spot vulnerable player!).. if trav dint come save me(few times) i early mati di oh.. haha.. after that they played cs for awhile.. pretty proud of myself there.. managed to kill 15 in ermm.. half an hour? 3 of us played against this 2 dudes who were damn good.. everytime aso headshot poor me.. =\.. haha.. 15 is peanuts i know.. but for me its an accomplishment.. =P finally their hunger caught up with them n we went for dinner.. and.. finally.. we played pool!! haha.. those who know me well enuff will know that that is one game that i never learned properly.. i think maybe 8 different (frustrated) ppl have tried to teach me how to play.. i can hit the balls yes.. sometimes it even goes into the pockets(flukes).. but then.. no skill involved one la i think.. haha.. aso the fact that i stop concentrating 10 mins into the game.. haha.. tell u.. goldfish brain has goldfish concentration!! but thennnn.. i have to say.. i beat trav 2 times that niteeeee!!! hahaa.. damn proud! =P

it was a reallie fun day.. doing stuff that i dont usually do.. (like i havent played cs or starcraft at all in like 3 yrs?).. =) ohh.. laine took 'along came polly' home from work(she works in a video rental shop).. n we watched it tat nite.. it was pretty funnee.. ben stiller in his usual blur nice funny guy role.. n jennifer aniston is HOT HOT HOT!! the body.. wahh.. i wan mann! *jealous look*..

hmm.. tat was my very exciting thursday.. had a very boring friday tho.. followed elaine to the lawyers office to run some errands then my gastric acted up coz only ate lunch at like 5.. =\ studied (not enuff) n watched another dvd.. chasing liberty.. mandy moore.. it was okie.. the guy was cute.. (reallie hot bod).. n the movie was pretty sweet.. one of those teen flicks..

ohh.. im having trouble accessing my own blog.. =\.. i cant seem to load it!! damn frust!! dunno wats wrong with my pc again.. humph!! definately going to upgrade the os in winter!! alrite then.. back so studying :'(

~Official (hopefully NOT!)~

i think its official.. im going to FAIL!!! :'( just had my first paper today.. n it was total CRAAAAP! it tested my powers at bullshitting to the MAX! i admit that this has so far been the most unprepared paper i have sat for.. it COULD HAVE been easy.. the main question worth 40% was a case study was given with the topics the questions were going to be based on.. basically we had to do a whole shit of research (which of coz lazy person here did not!) maybe its coz i dont like the teacher.. i just had no motivation to study for the subject.. i think i spent like 3 whole days on it.. come to think of it.. if i had given it proper thought.. the questions would have been pretty easy.. but at that point of time.. the case study dint make much sense to me.. i did do readings provided by the lect.. but *shrugs* nothign came up when i did the paper.. so basically.. it was relying on my bullshitting skills.. dissapointing first paper.. :'( but only one person to blame.. yeap.. myself..

anyway.. on to more cheerful topics.. after the exam laine n i went walking/jogging(i was doing most of the walking!unfit me =P) along coogee.. it was BEeeeaaauTiful! (sheep.. next time i take u the other direction.. more tiring coz up n downhill... but wahhh.. reallie scenic.. ) makes me wish that i was filthy rich n owned a beachside home (who doesent!?) it was refreshing and good to be out in the open on a sunny day.. esp after the week of being cooped up at home.. =\..

laine has been camping over at my place for the pass few days.. since friday.. keke.. shes been my constant human interaction thru this chaotic madness of cramming.. sometimes.. i tell u.. we can be quite spaz.. haha.. mostly me.. n the coles expeditions to get watermelon or watever excuse we can find.. n all the meals.. hahah.. but yeah.. was good n comforting to have someone slog with u! knowing u r not alone..=P *HuGz*.. n i have to say that she can reallie be determined when she wants to.. just refuse to get up from the chair for a certain amt of hours! n can cramp a subject in one day (or less) n i think still do alrite!! (*fingers crossed*) but she doesent have anymore papers till next week whereas i have one on thurs!! :'( she said that shes goign to cook me dinner tonite!! (0;0) kekeke..

ok.. enuff rambling for now.. have to go study even tho i think my brain went to sleep..(or never woke up this morning).. Wish me luck ppl!! actually.. mite need abit more than luck this session! =\

~Study Study~

So much to study.. so little time.. so little going into this little goldfish brain of mine!! :'(

~Sales!!~

almost EVERYWHERE is having sales at the moment!(hope thats grammatically correct!)..Its a conspiracy i tell u.. the main departmental stores(myers n david jones) are on sale.. ALOT of individual stores are on sale too!! and all this happens when.. WHEN I'M ABOUT TO HAVE EXAMS!! :'( howwible ppl!..
well.. i did spend 2 hours yest and today out shopping tho.. haha.. but that included lunch time.. means about an hour plus shopping only! =( but i did accomplish quite abit yesterday(tues) shopping.. haha.. managed to purchase QUITE a few items in that short period of time! it was cheaaap!!<-- being defensive.. hahaha.. it was!! realliee.. fcuk tees for 19! u say cheap anot! back home is about rm79.. times 3 (coz of exchange rate) still cheaper! <-- still being defensive.. =P actually nothing to defend.. im reallie happy with the buys.. even tho i got no one to strut my stuff to..=(
yes yes.. i KNOW im supposed to be studying.. *wrinkles nose*.. i do..just not as quickly as i want! as my prev blog states.. i did complete my essay in time..(even tho i had to stay up till wee hours in the morn!) and today i managed to complete half of wat i originally set out to do.. haha.. half.. i know thats not alot.. but i was feeling damn lethargic over last nites spree.. mind refused to concentrate! plus i had to finish wat i was supposed to do the day before.. haha.. but yeah.. at least im getting into the studying mode (better late than never i reckon!) im only now begining to realise that i MITE not have enuff time to cover the stuff as well as i want.. (also becoz its sooooo damn boring.. take longer to get thru! *wrinkles nose).. but oh well.. we can but try to do the best huh?!

~FINALLY~

Its 4.20 in the morning.. i finally finished the damn essay! *grumbles grumble* most ppl would think that 1500 words is peanuts.. but to an information system student whos writing usually consists of coding and documentation.. and writes essays maybe once or twice a year.. its hell!! esp since its a language essay where i'm supposed to have done research! ohmigoodness.. haha.. all i did was skim thru some books i picked up at the library(no easy feat i tell u.. i think the library doesent like me.. ) 5 hours spent alternating between frowning at the comp n frowning at my books and type typing.. haha.. torture.. i rather spend it writing code! not so taxing and boring! (ok.. maybe i say that now.. but i will be complaining about programming when i do it too! =P) anywayyyy.. im done for the nite!! yeah yeah!! time to go to bedddd!!

~Justin's Alcohol Induced Theory~

Was talking to Justin tat day on icq.. he had just finished 3 bottles of coolers and was feeling slightly tipsy.. (lousy tolerance i say..=P) keke.. anyway.. i have no idea why he came online.. but he did and he was just bursting to tell me this theory he came up with..

"i believe that there are 2 kinds of people when it comes to the starting of a relationship.....

1. the kind who gets into a relationship and gives his/her partner 100% points and when shit happens, points gets minused....after it hits 50% or lower, it starts to go all rickety and plunges downhill from there...

2. the kind who gets into a relationship and gives his/her partner 0% to start off with and every nice thing that the partner does, it starts to add up...unfortunately there can never be 100% at this koz that doesn't happen. and mostly people will be staying at 0% also koz WHO THE FUCK KNOWS WHAT WOMEN THINK??" <--can be replaced by MEN according to situation.. haha..

so what do you guys think?? which one are u? first or second?if you think it doesent apply to you.. why? then wat kind r u? dont be shy now.. =P.. from wat u know of me.. which one am i? Pray tell.. (comments box needs some lively input! or else will wither n die!)=P haha..

~Past Two Days~

First of all i would like to say i feel very guilty.. keke..why you ask? coz i have done absolutely ZERO studying in the pass two days..*blush* reallie.. its 4pm on sunday now.. lets start 48 hours before this..

[WARNING]: the below is just a whole lot of crap on wat i did in the pass 2 days.. haha..

Friday: woke up pretty late.. (cant remember wat time) did the laundry.. tidied up the hall abit.. read ONE chapter(=\) of ADS.. at four started getting ready to go to John's place for the bbq.. laine picked me up 5.. got lost(thanks to my 'fantastic' map reading)..to give me abit of credit, john's place is FAR! n its somewhere i've never been before!.. ate.. talked.. watched tv.. played monopoly ( i did NOT lose!! surprisingly! i think i'll stick to the lil doggy for now on.. =P) then we gave Steve a lift home.. hes house sitting this FANTASTIC place in balmain.. it faces the harbour.. i could fall in love with it!i just love water views/themes.. and by house sitting.. it means that he gets to stay there for FREE and free food too!! how lucky! anyway.. wanted to watch a movie.. but all his dvds were malaysian quality(ie CRAP).. ended up just chatting and he made us breakfast at 4am.. haha.. reached home around 5.. by the time i got to bed it was like 6?
Saturday: had a very restless sleep(mentioned in the previous blog).. felt very tired n 'uneasy'(for lack of finding a word to properly describe the aftershock) when i woke up at like 12? then reallie cannot tahan the kitchen floor.. so gave it a clean.. had some 'soup in a mug' thingie my mom bought for lunch n felt reallie sick after that so took like a half an hour nap.. woke up.. tried to do some reading(dint get far.. ) then got ready to go for Seang Aik's bday dinner.. ann picked me up at around 6.45? went to this ribs place at manly.. it was ok..abit dry and too much meat for me.. could hardly finish half of the half-rack of ribs.. thanks aik for it! =) first time in my life let aik spend! keke.. came back at like 10.. showered and all.. my head was feeling slightly 'heavy' tried to study but couldnt concentrate.. so went to lie down.. it got better.. then before i told lainey that she can come over anytime if she wanted.. she came over at like 12 plus? i was alredi in my pjs.. and she was all dressed up and REALLie wanted to go out.. so i changed.. got all dolled up n two of us went to darling harbour.. where all the bars were CLOSING.. coz it was alredi 2 plus.. but we found one that was open.. however they were playing like old skool funk music.. keke.. so we just sat down.. talked.. had about 3 drinks.. then left at like 3.30.. came back.. my headache had returned by that time n i was feeling hungry.. comp was online.. n a few frenz were online so laine n i chatted for abit while i had something to eat.. then went adventuring around frendster.. haha.. decided that we did not know many unattaced cute guys.. =P.. by the time we showered n settled down in bed.. it was like 6.30.. by the time we ACTUALLY went to bed it was like 7.. and we were thinking of waking up at 11 to go check out sales at bondi before elaine had to go to work at 2(FAT HOPES).. the alarm did wake ME up at 11.. but elaine just refused to budge.. BUT her phone rang TWICE and its alarm went of TWICE.. n i had to wake her up each time! *Wrinkles nose* that piggy.. so at 2 no choice.. she had to get up.. n i had to get up to let her out of the garage.. came back up.. changed my bed linen.. vacuumed my room n bathroom(amazing how much hair im shedding!! =\) had lunch.. n here i am.. at 4.. hence NO WORK DONE! *wrinkles nose* am doing some research for my essay tho.. if that counts! the damn pages taking forever to load i tell u.. *pout* okie.. loaded.. going to REALLIE do some research now!

~Untitled~

i havent reallie been writting here.. not becoz i've been busy.. but mostly becoz my feelings and thoughts have been less than pleasent.. and i dont wanna drive ppl away with all the whining( i know thats wat ive been writing about 90% of the time anyway).. but yeah.. so i've been trying to refrain myself from just blurting it out here..
hmm.. just woke up from a fitfull sleep filled with dreams.. both good and bad.. *shudders*.. emotions we repress sometimes surface in the form of dreamz.. our subconcious mind.. our deepest desires come to play.. our fears materialized.. our wants fulfilled.. and sometimes these dreams are so real.. that u wake up still 'feeling'.. u try to shrug it off.. but the emotions felt so real.. the memory of it vivid in ur mind.. the weight on your heart as you try to convince urself that its only a dream.. dont let your hopes run amok.. *shrugs*..

~Lost~

nothing much to say today.. just that i feel abit 'lost'.. *shrugs*..
and wondering why sometimes walls of self defence that u build around you to protect yourself can crumble and fall so easily.. how acts of indifference are just that.. acts.. when the show ends.. after the curtains fall.. u drop the act and the emotions are still there..

~Birthday Wishes!~

its Mr Mark's Birthday todaaay!! woo hoo.. finally catching up with us huh? =P so younG!!! sheeeeesh!! anyway.. good luck for the exam on wed u poor dear!! *HuGz* celebrate later ya!?

~I wish~

i wish for peace..
i wish that people of the world could settle their problems without bloodshed..
i wish i knew the future..
i wish i could control wat happens in the future..
i wish for love..
i wish i could make the one i love love me in return..
i wish for happiness..
i wish that i could make everyone around me happy as well..
i wish for life to be simpler..
i wish that i could say what i feel and not be fucked with consequences..
i wish for tranquillity..
i wish i could accept the facts of life and be happy about it..
i wish for wisdom..
i wish i knew how make everything better(and pass all my exams)..
i wish for rain..
i wish i could cuddle under my doona on a cold rainy day (preferbly with someone special) and not worry about ANYTHING at all..
i wish for more wishes..
i wish i wasnt so greedy! haha..
i wish for security..
i wish i could reclaim the sense of peace and happiness i once felt..
i wish for joy..
i wish i was in another place in another time.. with you..
i wish for acceptance..
i wish people would accept me for who i am and love me for it..
i wish i knew wat to wish for..
i wish dreams and wishes came true..

~HAPPY BIRTHDAY SHEEEEP!~

Big gigantic birthday wishes goes out to my darrrling cousin LIM SHEE PINN!! yes u!! one year older again!! *gasp* dont worry.. still young at heart!! =P ALWIZ young at heart huh?? oh wellll.. have fun in Seremban.. while i just rot and wither away here.. lifeless i say.. *shakes head* doesent anyone believe in partying one last time before settling down to serious studying? *wrinkles nose* oh well.. tv shall keep me occupied!!! damn sad i say.. =P

~White Flag by Dido~

I know you think that I shouldn't still love you or tell you that.
But if I didn't say it well I'd still have felt it,
where's the sense in that
I promise I'm not trying to make your life harder
Or return to where we were but

I will go down with this ship and I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door,
I'm in love and always will be

I know I left too much mess and destruction to come back again
And I caused but nothing but trouble,
I understand if you can't talk to me again
And if you live by the rules of "it's over" then I'm sure that that makes sense but

I will go down with this ship and I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door,
I'm in love and always will be

And when we meet, which I'm sure we will
All that was there, will be there still
I'll let it pass, and hold my tongue
And you will think, that I've moved on....

(chorus x3)
I will go down with this ship and I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door,
I'm in love and always will be

*oookay.. before u wring ur hands and think that Lyn has gone on a backward slide back into her depression.. its not that!! hahaha.. well.. i mean its not like im backsliding.. but the song does illustrate how i do feel sometimes.. I'll let it pass, and hold my tongue
And you will think, that I've moved on.... and I know you think that I shouldn't still love you or tell you that.
But if I didn't say it well I'd still have felt it, certain feelings just dont go away.. its not as strong.. but i think deep down it'll alwiz be there.. n certain things just bring it up to surface.. *shrugs*..

~Carelessness~

i never learn my lesson.. i KNOW that i can be EXTREMELY careless at times.. i've made so many careless mistakes in my work that i've stop counting them.. but then i never learn.. today i just found out i made a sorta typo mistake in my assignment.. and becoz of that.. the parts related to that dont work properly anymore!! it was working before.. but i think i accidently changed it or typed it wrong later.. and today had the Walkthru where we demonstrate to the tutor.. and yeah.. basically screwed up.. and i couldnt change it coz the code was passed up on friday..now im worried about passing the assingment.. esp coz yeah.. 'hardworking' ye kars part.. only wat i did which wasnt much was functioning.. a big chunk of it was still missing..and if i cant pass this assignment i basically automatically fail the course.. i just have to hope the other parts that we've done(the testing, documenting etc) gets good marks.. this part was 20/50.. so far we got one 8.7/10.. *fingers crossed for the rest*.. i just cant beliff how careless i can get.. so many 'if only'.. i know its over.. but i cant stop kicking myself over it.. i tested it before friday.. but coz on friday there was some errors in putting Derek's part in.. we dint have time to test the system again.. i dont know when i made the STUPID mistake.. but yeah.. im so dissapointed in myself.. why do i never learn my lesson? i can take this as a lesson not to be careless again.. but i know in the future the same thing will happen..