~ladidumdidum...~

ladidumdidummmm..tralalalalaaaaa been pretty busy the past week with the disciple down from sg to watch her Jay Chow in concert n also sun pien pay me a visit.. Trav also happened to be down from taiping.. tho only met up with him once for dinner since he is a total pig that doesent wake up til 2 n alwiz busy.. Eudora.. one of their(trav n yun) frenz happened to be down in Sg for a wedding from syd made a last min trip down to kl coz she wanted to watch Jay too.. so i told her that i dont mind going with her if she could get a ticket.. n well.. she got one on the day of the concert.. so.. urs truly.. totally unaware that she was going to be watching a concert in stadium merdeka, was wearing a short skirt(not THAT short la luckily) n flip flops.. but *shrugs* it was pretty cooling coz it rained in the afternoon (luckily not in the eve or the grass would have been damn wet) but.. it was pretty good.. my first chinese concert.. n even tho i couldnt understand half the things he sang (coz he mumbles) i pretty enjoyed it.. i like his slow songs which he sang quite a few of.. =D
sorry Yun i couldnt take u to very exciting places.. u know la.. i got the curfew.. n somemore live quite far from the happening area.. keke.. socializing with my family quite fun aso rite? hahaha.. n u cant say we dint feed u.. =P.. kekeke.. i reallie hope u had fun and come visit again.. n we'll take pics the next time round k.. =)
anyway.. off for dinner now.. oh.. we went for karaoke with my sis n sheep.. damn funnnee.. im such a terrible singer.. ahahha.. its entertaining.. =P

~Quote~

"You will never forget your first love. That's what makes it so special. You love so hard, so deeply, and so intensely because you don’t know any different. It's the best until it is over. Then you hurt like you've never been hurt before. Eventually you love again, but you love differently. You will love more carefully, more cautiously. Just know that there is so much more love waiting for you, but there will always only be one first."

damn rite..

~Me..~

have i ever mentioned that sometimes im a overdramatic overanalyzing hyperactive irritating lil (maybe not so lil) psychopath who talks and worries to much?

~The Places You Have Come To Fear The Most by Dashboard Confessionals

Buried deep as you can dig inside yourself,
and covered with a perfect shell,
such a charming beautiful exterior.

This is one time
that you can't fake it hard enough to please everyone or anyone at all.
And the grave that you refuse to leave
the refuge that you've built to flee
the places you have come to fear the most.

Buried deep as you can dig inside yourself,
and hidden in the public eye.
Such a stellar monument to loneliness.
Laced with brilliant smiles and shining eyes
and perfect makeup but you're barely scraping by.

*we all wear faces.. some thinner and more transparent than otheres.. some more colourful.. and some more believable.. i dont know why some ppl wear them(okay.. so maybe i know but dowan to bitch about it).. but some others wear a mask to hide the pain.. to find refuge in a bright smile when u may be cringing in pain inside.. laughter to hide the tears u wish to shed.. then ur mind retreats to a place where it just goes havoc and rational thinking shuts down and gives way to watever emotions you've been trying to repress.. no? maybe its just me then..

~Family Days~

been spending most of my time since i got back from sg with my family.. most prob due to the fact that my second sis is currently unemployed and friday was a public holiday.. oh.. and my mommy's bday was on friday too! went to Oggi's at Regent KL to have dinner.. pricey but pretty good.. the ambience was good coz we got a private room.. n i pretty much enjoyed the scallops (cept that funny lentil salad it came with) and my duck rissotto.. *yum!* deserts were not bad too.. shared a desert platter which had all kinds of yummy stuff on it.. =P wat a pig yes? kekeke
days were spent either helping my sis look for a present from her bf to my mom.. helping my mom look after the lil monster while HER mom(my sis) did her CNY shopping.. keke.. and OH!! i made a new pair of glasses!! =P after the unfortunate incident where justin smashed the stoopid nouget(which i bought for everyone to eat) into my glasses which were innocently sitting on the table.. i've decided that maybe that pair mite be a tit bit fragile(got it fixed anyway.. cost quite a fair bit!*wrinkles nose*) anyway.. keke.. ive had that pair for maybe 2 yrs now? its a frameless rubber kind.. now.. ive got spunky funky cool chick wannabe ones! kekeke.. *nerdy look*
had an impromtu drinking session.. where i drank the total of maybe 3 drinks in 3 hours? kekeke.. cant help it if my luck at cards was good that nite.. keke.. my poor bro was so RED.. dont be fooled.. he was nowhere near drunk.. just tends to get red after drinking.. like my second sis.. and then they can pretend they are drunk.. *raises one eyebrow* yeah yeahhhhhh...
have i mentioned that i love my family? =P

~Shall We Dance~

i watched 'first daughter' today, starring katie holmes n micheal keating.. even tho the storyline is similar to chasing liberty where the first daughter falls for her secret agent in disguise.. i thought that this was a much better version.. the script was better.. not as cheesy i would say..

anyway.. there were a few dancing scenes in the movie.. and by dancing i dont mean the hip swagger thingie done in those hip hop movies.. thats sexy.. but.. this was ballroom dancing.. the swing the foxtrot.. and boy.. was it seductive.. yet romantic.. ahhh.. it doesent have to be full on ballroom dancing.. just the swaying to slow romantic music.. looking in your partners eyes.. to feel their arms around you or on your shoulder.. having them guide you while u glide(or stampede in my case) across the room.. *ahhhhhhhh* sad thing is.. no one has taken me dancing before.. someone offered once.. but we dint get a chance.. sad sad.. i dont even know where i can go for this kinda things anymore.. not that theres anyone that would take me.. *shakes head in dismay*

i reckon.. dancing is the closest two people can get..
without sex that is! =P

~Open Your Heart~

open your heart
see what the eyes miss..
open your heart
hear the emotions behind the words..
open your heart
smell the lingering scent of my perfume..
open your heart
feel the touch that could not be..
open your heart
taste the salt of tears shed by me..

open your heart
least you fail to see
what you mean to me..

~To Care.. but not enough~

have you ever wondered how it feels like.. to love someone completely.. to be willing to sacrifice so much.. to be willing to wait.. to be willing to accept wat little they throw your way hoping for better days to come.. only to realise.. that even tho they care for u.. they dont care enough to try to make it work.. to realise that.. you are.. replacable..
the world isnt fair.. that much is understandable.. but.. sometimes you wonder wat you did so wrong that justifies being put in such a position.. of being subjected to so much pain and doubt..
to have experienced it myself.. and then.. to watch a close fren sob her heart out becoz of a similiar problem just breaks my heart becoz i can do nothing but try to be there for her.. pls know that i want to be there for you.. the way u were for me.. *hugz*

random stoopid detail.. both guys in question are aso very good frenz.. *wrinkles nose*

~I'm Back!!~

got back from sg late last nite.. had a blast.. but.. too short too short.. special thanks to yun for accompanying me most of the time and making it spaz.. =P sheep too! man.. i tell u.. the two of us dont need much to entertain us.. fingers n toes suffice! hahaha.. and lainey.. i hope that.. me being there brought some comfort.. *HuGz*.. dont ever say no one loves you when its so obvious that so many ppl do.. u dont want me to start crying too rite!! *wags finger threatningly* (dont know how to spell that and too lazy to check the dic).. anyway.. all in all.. i had a pretty good trip.. minus the fact that i dint get to meet up with some other ppl.. turned out that they tried contacting me and couldnt get thru to me.. oopsie.. stoopid phone!! oh.. i dint have to catch cab from airport!! haha.. i was griping about how i was going to spend 25sg just to get from airport to hotel.. n i managed to coax yf into waking up n picking me!! =P was damn shocked to see him there tho.. thought he wouldnt wake up di one..even tho ur not going to read it.. thanks! =P
anyway.. im back.. after the buzz of activity.. it feels strange to have nothing planned.. next thing coming up is mom's bday this week.. and yun coming down next week.. CANT WAIT GAL!! *HuGz*

Huge thanks goes out to everyone whom made my trip memorable.. most of them wouldnt be reading this.. but.. yeah.. =D

~I'd Love to Hate But Hate to Love~

sometimes i find that i care too much.. and tat can be.. difficult.. esp if the ppl u care about can be blissfully ignorant.. whats the point of working myself up.. wats the point of crying myself to sleep because of things that i have no control of.. i have asked myself those questions time and time again.. i havent come up with a reason.. nor have i been able to stop myself from doing it at times.. i have been scolded, nagged, cajoled and told to snap out of it.. not to waste my time on matters that are of no fault of mine or on people that dont deserve it.. but.. as much as i would love to hate.. i find i cant.. unless the person has done something that is utterly unforgivable.. i find myself reluctant to think badly of them.. especially if its ppl that i cared alot for in the past.. even tho time has passed and things and situations change.. i find it hard to bear ill will.. i find it hard not to care when i know of matters.. i find it hard to keep my emotions from getting involved sometimes by just thinking/caring too much.. i find it hard to look at things at a 3rd person's perspective sometimes.. maybe im just a big busybody.. one that gets herself into too much trouble i must add..

in conclusion..
reason why i'd love to hate..
coz caring hurts to much..

~A Day Spent With Friends~

spent the better half of today out and about with my galfriends from primary skool(most of them thru to highskool).. met up with a very good friend from primary skool.. melissa.. it was good catching up as she hasnt met up with us for about.. 5 years? surprisingly wai har dropped by for awhile too.. its good catching up with old frens.. we went from san fransisco (tea) to alexis(cake) to pasar malam and finally dinner at sugimoto(YUM!)
one of the problems of being overseas is that you have very few chances where everyone is back and free to meet up.. and when u do.. its like everyone is happily talking at the same time..=P its good.. i reallie hope that we can meet up occasionally in the future even if we do end up working overseas *fingers crossed*

~For a Split Second~

when i look at things or read things.. i sometimes imagine myself in that persons/characters shoes.. and most of the time.. if it is to do with love.. and usually the face of the guy turns out to be.. no prizes to guess whom.. for a split second i imagine scenerios that i know will never come to pass.. for a split second i see wat could have been.. images flash through my mind.. and those images sometimes bring along emotions that i know i should not be feeling.. emotions that should have been locked in a little box with the key thrown away a long long time ago..
sometimes when i look into a crowd.. i just absently scan it.. and i sometimes i realise that im looking for you.. well.. not so much here when i know you will never be here.. but i shouldnt be.. i dont think you should be that important that i can recognize you or your silhouette from afar even tho i'm not wearing my glasses..
wat am i waiting for? why cant i just leave things that are much better left alone? is it becoz im too stubborn? how can i be so hung up about things when it would clearly be unfair to the next person t hat comes into my life? i dont know.. i do know that even tho i gripe n whine about it often.. i believe that im not that screwed up.. (i hope) i do know for sure that when the need arises.. i will definately give someone else the chance to prove that sometiems love does work out.. that i dont have to alwiz be second choice.. that sometiems i can come first too..

but now.. spilt seconds are all i have..

~Tag Sale~

followed (got dragged out of bed at 8.30 by bro) my bro, sun n sis to a Tag sale this morning.. (tag huer the brand of watches).. it was in this room thingie.. so crowded and there was a queue to go in.. it was suppsoed to be by invitation only(i think) but then.. turned out to be free for all.. and ppl were seriously pushing their way to the front of the two display tables..(mostly chinese i must mention).. it was pretty cheap.. they dint have all the models and the popular ones had only slightly more than wat watch shops are offering.. but they did have some stuff that were going for maybe 50% retail prices.. Sun bought an alter ego.. pretty cheap.. and looks good on her.. looks funny on my sis n i tho.. keke.. too feminine for us i reckon! =P
afterwards went yam cha at Mandrin Oriental.. its supposed to be one of the best yam cha's ard KL.. of the higher price that is.. it was pretty good.. they had some interesting stuff.. durian pancakes.. mango n prawn fried thingies.. black pepper wu kok'yam thingie'.. and some other 'chef's creations'.. but i think that the dim sum at Shangri-la is equally as good (maybe its pricier!).. the one at Sheraton Imperial is pretty yummy too!! i must mention that food.. plays a huge role in my family's life.. =) and we have all sorts of cards to get discounts! sheraton one expired di tho.. =(

~Paper Dolls~

attended company dinner thrown by the recreational club of the company my dad works for(uncle's comp).. my dad got a table so the whole family(besides Di the rebel) went trooping down to shah alam.. Nat was adorable in this tiny pink corduroy dress.. (will post pics soon) she seems to love crowds and noise.. our table was right in front beside a speaker and even tho she was kinda abit before it.. it was pretty noisy but she seemed happy.. gurgling away and shaking her legs (esp when music comes on).. keke.. clearly a party babe! =P
ohh.. another interesting thing was.. the 'Paper Dolls' which were a group of 6 transvestites.. or 'ahpons' i think all of them were transexuals.. they had tits and all.. one of them looked like a popular malaysian singer Siti nurhaz(something or other).. and another one did a pretty funny belly dancing routine.. but they had like 5 acts.. some things are better at minimal.. they went around accosting men during their routine.. quite funnee.. one thing tho.. most of them had damn nice legs.. long n slim.. *grumble grumble*

~Round and Round~

i went driving today.. for most of you.. thats an everyday occurrance.. but to me.. i havent driven on the road for maybe a year plus? so today.. armed with my driving license, phone, francis(driver).. i went adriving round n round.. i would like to think that i dint scare the living daylights out of francis.. he was pretty calm.. but hes alwiz calm.. and i only had ONE small incident where the stoopid motorbike came out of nowhere and i dint see the van coming.. nothing happened.. thank god.. it was at the small turning into the trunkroad right in front of my house area.. as i was turning in.. this motorbike came out of the blue and so i had to brake and watch him.. then.. i kinda dint see the van coming.. so luckily francis turned my wheel abit.. or else.. the van would be pretty pissed with me blocking her way.. but yeah.. besides the minor incident.. i think it went pretty well.. went round the roundabout twice..(ive got phobia with roundabouts.. ) but yeah.. driving lesson round 1 complete.. =P

~Yeah yeah!!~

yeah yeah!! finally got OKAY to go to sg.. but poor sheep has to sit bus on her own coz im not allowed to take bus.. =\.. sorry dear.. u sleep ur fill on the bus so that we can just party all nite long k? hahahaha.. =P not party la.. good gal.. just .. talk? okay.. have to go to bed now.. 1am .. have to get up at 8.30 to pick the monster up! exciting!! finally get to go!!

~Strike four for Singapore~

okay.. i can just see 'singapore trip part 4'.. its going down the drain joining all the other 3 parts(one for each year since 4 yrs ago).sorry yun.. i did try my darnest.. and this year it came sssssssooooo close.. mom miraculously agreed with little argument.. i was quite shocked actually.. and after much planning.. it was decided that id head down with sheep next weekend.. then.. she realises that she cant take leave as she is still on probation.. so okay.. we'd take the night flight and arrive at 9-ish at Johor.. initially i hoped that elaine could pick us up since she stays in johor.. or jsut catch bus till somewhere in sg.. but then.. elaine going to be in penang.. and none of my frenz in sg are allowed to drive down to johor.. (its supposed to be quite dangerous there).. and becoz we arrive at 9 plus pm at nite.. by the time get out and all.. im very wary of taking public bus from johor to sg.. coz its not a straight bus.. first u have to go to some citylounge thingie.. then catch another bus.. which takes u to malaysian immigration.. then u get off (with ur luggage) walk thru catch another bus to the sg immigration.. same thing.. and take another bus.. wah.. doing this.. at like 10pm.. im abit worried if its as dangerous as they say.. okay.. im more than abit worried.. i downright refuse to go thru all that in the middle of the nite.. esp in a foreign place(yes.. johor is foreign to me.. only been there once on the way to sg and bro was with me so i was blissfully ignorant)..
okay..im totally fine and understand that sheep is reluctant to fly straight to sg.. the cost is about 3 times more.. tats y i did not suggest it until i found out about the horrible bus routes.. im spending dads money different from spending hard earned money (tats y im taking advantage now while i still can be spoilt little gal)
so.. next option was to take a bus from kl to sg.. leaves ard 5.. reaches sg ard 11.. but then.. u see.. telling my mom that im going to take a bus.. is kinda as good as saying i wanna walk there.. esp since it rains almost everynite.. my sis straight away told that she wotn let u.. which is kinda why im reluctant to ask.. esp since i just asked to use the credit card reward points to claim hotel stay.. its like.. pushing my luck u know..
its sometimes very difficult and frustrating.. ppl sometimes ask why i cant just go with the flow and need to plan things so thoroughly.. well.. this is the reason why.. i need to prepare for all possible situations just in case my mom wants to know.. if not.. i'll jsut get shot down.. and getting ur hopes up before that.. is not such a fun thing.. if u get my drift..

~The Midgets~

My brother was watching his rm20 box set of the complete LOTR and i went in to pat(be a busybody).. and.. we were busy hurling comments on how pathetic the midgets(otherwise known as hobbits) were.. or rather.. how pathetic frodo was.. haha.. he cant do anything.. all he does is wander around in a daze (with a confused look on his face no less) till samwise saves him or guides him.. (dont kill me LOTR fans.. this is my blog.. i say wat i want about those midgets! =P) but anyway.. we came to a conclusion.. that midgets are the result of bad couplings of drawves and elves.. and outlawed cos so cacated.. then.. started their own comunity.. and now.. gay n pathetic due to too many interbreeding.. hahahhahahaha
okay.. that was spaz.. but.. it was funny.. i reallie cant stand frodo.. the rightful hereos of the movie should be sam, aragon.. and maybe legolas.. tho orlando is pretty pathetic in his next few films.. ie troy n black hawk down.. and so many other ppl that contributed so much more.. but.. its a movie..and this is only my bro n my 2 cents on it.. =P

~A Month of Pure Indulgence~

a month has passed since i've come back home.. a month spent in luxury living off my parents (as usual).. a month of doing nothing but help out at home/looking after nat, shopping, meeting up with frens, reading, going to shanghai.. i've achieved close to nothing constructive.. ive been to the gym the grand total of ONE time.. i've yet to start learning how to drive again (embarrassing i know) i have not taken up mandrin nor made an effort to go see wat working in an IS environment is like(uncle's firm).. basically i have just wasted a month.. actually.. i wont call it wasted.. it was passed spending lotsa time with family.. but.. wasted in a sense of not achieving watever i set out to do.. it happens EVERY YEAR!! but.. i guess.. this year is slightly different due to the fact that theres a new addition to the family.. and twice a week i help my mom take care of her (hence usually not going anywhere till dinnertime) and i usually try to have lunch with my mom everyday(or else shes alone).. weekends can be ruled out.. coz its usually family time as well(since all my siblings are working)..but still.. thats no excuse.. argh!! and now.. i'm trying my very best to make a trip down to sg next weekend.. havent been there in yonks and i miss my spaz dears there.. yun n lainey.. AND now that i have gotten my COE.. i have to get my visa done ASAP.. *sheesh* where does all the time go?!

~Phantom of the Opera~

Within the first 5 minutes i was ensnared by the music and images that came to life on the screen in the small freezing(not kidding.. small cinema half empty) cinema.. for close to three hours i sat enraptured by a musical so cleverly brought to the big screen.. i watched the original opera when i was much younger in sydney.. maybe 14? as young as i was.. and it being my first opera.. (that i can remember..) i reallie enjoyed it.. watching the show.. i remembered bits and pieces of the actual play.. (but the ending is teasing my memory.. i dint remember it ending like this!) but the music.. the singing.. i can close my eyes and it plays in my head.. i would not say that im a opera enthutiast.. i've seen a few musicals.. phantom, beauty n the beast, cabaret, princess ...(some italian name i cant remember.. it was pretty difficult reading the subtitles as everything was italian!) but i enjoy the rush the singing the powerful voices that moves you life performances that keep u ensnared.. i have yet to catch the lion king in syd.. which received rave reviews..(either couldnt get good seats or not convenient for my times) and i missed mama mia which my 2nd sis loved.. coz.. not much of an abba fan.. but i most definately would love to catch les miserables and the phantom again one day..

all in all i reallie enjoyed the movie(would have enjoyed it even more if i wasnt freezing).. the characters.. of how christine is torn between her long lost childhood sweetheart turned to love.. and her teacher and companion.. her 'angel of music'.. without the guidance of her angel she would have never have been able to get reacquinted with her sweetheart.. how one is safe and the other appeals to her soul with music and sadness.. the vision so terribly distorted from the beauty of his music..
of how the phantom may seem evil.. but how sometimes one brought up in an environment of hate of being shunned and of pain.. knows nothing of pity compassion.. of love.. he only knows how to act and lash out with emotions that he had to suffer thru.. pain.. how it drives him to do anything to achieve wat he wants to get wat he wants.. he sees love not as sharing but as ownership.. but then.. finally when someone shows compassion and love.. to be willing to sacrifice everything for the one you love.. to be willing to look beyond the distorted shell to see the beauty inside.. he finally understand wat love is.. to be willing to let go for your loved one's happiness.. well.. at least thats wat i thought of the love part..

ohmigod im blabbering.. nevermind me.. got a tit bit carried away there.. *sheepish look*

~Happy New Year!!

heres wishing everyone a very happy new year.. and may the year ahead be filled with joy fun love and happiness.. i hope everyone had a pleasant celebration to usher in the new year.. bearing in mind those less fortunate than us..

i had a quiet one this yr.. having dinner with family till pretty late.. then going over to an aunt's place for a nephew's(technically cousin's son) 7th bday party cum reason for parents to invite some frens over to usher in the new yr n drink.. =P was there socializing with some of the next gen of lims.. teeny boopers(bout 13-17 ave) that make me feel old (not that i need any reminder) then just had a drink or 2 with my darling sheep n luke.. (they saved me.. or rather.. i saved luke as well =P) all and all.. a pretty good new year spent with family.. =P