stress has returned with a vengeance.. my eldest sister.. who was in charge of looking for accommodation for when my whole family comes over in march for my grad.. left everything til the last minute.. AS USUAL.. and guess wat.. after coming here and stressing over my PR stuff.. i got some stuff done.. and asked her about it.. and she then asked me to check if they had a sofa bed.. and here we thought she had already booked an apartment.. she dint even have the no even tho her in laws have stayed there like 2 yrs back.. so after looking for the no .. i called.. and the person said that there are no vacancies.. so i panic-ed abit and called her.. and she said there are still avaliabilties online.. so i had to scout online for the cheapest website.. and guess wat.. after booking.. they come back with a reply (after the weekend) that it is full.. so full blown stress again since that apartment was one of the cheapest and located very conveniently.. so here i am looking thru websites for another apartment when im supposed to be doing my PR stuff again.. its so frustrating sometimes.. i feel responsible becoz my family is after all coming for my graduation (while taking a holiday coz they all got cheap tix but that is not the point.. they are coming to attend my graduation) i feel that i am somewat responsible in making sure things go smoothly.. but i was in charge of making initial booking of airline tix and i did it.. and i did keep reminding her about finding a place.. but see.. now.. id unno.. i need to go for class anyway.. my mom is fed up of her too.. coz everyone else thought she booked it and now since its not booked shes blaming everyone else..

i dont need to be wanted
but..
i want to be needed

~Stress~

im tired.. after about 2-3 very highly stressed days.. im cooped out.. seriously.. i havent endured such high stress periods for a very long time.. think about it..

3 months of holiday.. stressed about
anticipating results.. putting off telling parents the results.. looking for a suitable timing to ask mom about going to sg.. thinking of excuses to get out of watever i did/did not do.. trying to fit my entire cupboard into a teeny tiny bag..

3 days of stress..
finding out that there are a gazillion and one things that need to be done in order to apply for the PR.. predicting that i wont make it in time before they change the point system on the 1st of April(which i still tink i wont) trying to get all the forms together to send it in ASAP.. finding out more and more stuff to do as i did more research on it.. trying to clean up the whole place coz i know i should do it..

shit.. the nites when i was trying to find out stuff about the PR that needs to be done immediately(ie takes forever to come back).. i was so stressed that i could feel my back and shoulder muscles get all tense and aching.. =(
anyway.. today i managed to get some done (I HOPE).. helped yun move some of her many many things that were stored at my place.. went eastgardens n checked out the lingerie sale( i love lingerie sales *beam*)

sis arrived as well.. dint make it in time to the airport but yun n i waited downstairs to help her carry her gigantic bag up.. then lainey n trav came over n we played some boggle where the loser gets stuff drawn on their hands.. usually trav is the drawing board but today he was seriously in form!! and now i have this gigantic cat(thanks to trav) and 'i love lyn' thanks to laine..(i had to lose when the winners were a tie.. *wrinkles nose*)

anyway.. the world seems slightly better today due to decrease in stress levels(until i find out more stuff that needs to get done.. and more company today too!! i think i had more company/social interaction today compared to the past 3 days!! Yun its fantastic to have u back!! but why u go live so far n now we got no car to fetch u baccccccck.. laine.. finally.. met up..

oh damn.. i just remembered that i still have to decide where i wanna have my bday dinner and wat we gonna do as well as my grad dinner with my family.. humph.. will think about that tomolo.. tonite .. im going to bed..

ARGH!.. so many things to do.. so little time.. only one me.. whom is so fantastic at putting things off.. and then worrying like crazy over it later!! ARGH!!

~Bouncing Emotions~

Failure made me weary
Fear holds me back
Hope keeps me going
Wants confuse and blind me
Longing keeps me suspended in time
Love keeps me sane admist the chaos

~Lost in Transit~

Im back in supposedly sunny Aus.. but its been raining almost non-stop.. which is good for the sleep.. but horrible for when i have to get up to clean my place(where some areas are quite icky for some reason) and discouraging when i have to go out to get food (coz the kitchen is one of the icky areas).. after cleaning up my room(which was the logical place to start) i feel abit lost now.. so many things to do.. only one of me..

after all the excitement back home.. being alone here and now.. makes me realise how much i love my family and how much i come to rely on them.. how much Home means to me..

but i am HERE now.. so.. i guess i will just have to live with it.. even tho this is the 4th year im doing this.. it doesent make things any easier..

~Constantine~

i watched the movie constantine tonite.. and i LOVED it!! i love all these fantasy stuff.. witches vampires angels.. this one was about the game between God and the Devil n all the lil pawns in between.. and.. it was GOOD!! =) i dunno.. i find it intersting when sometimes there is no pure saintly good or pure evilish bad.. where the line is blurred where good may sometimes do bad too.. okay im rambling.. u may find no connection to the movie.. haha.. just stuff i picked up.. *shrugs* my siblings loved it too.. but all of us like this kinda stuff.. esp my eldest sis.. im definately getting a VERY CLEAR dvd.. keke.. no 3 for rm10 for this movie.. =P this trip round i've started collecting books that i like.. spending money getting them.. (and i still have books that are missing.. think my old maid took them.. =(.. and i think im going to start collecting movies i reallie like too.. but its going to be a LOOOooong process.. since there are so much of both books and movies.. hahaha.. okay.. rambling again.. time for bed.. !

~Happy V-Day!~

the last entry was a very long winded(as usual) grumble about how v-day is overrated and how it is sometimes more painful to see couples on normal days doin mundane everyday stuff.. granted ive never reallie experienced vday at its exaggerated romantic best.. i have been part of a couple only thru one valentine n i was too young to do the whole shibang.. but.. i dunno.. i reallie dont see how celebrating the death of someone is so special to the relationship yes? yearly anniversaries or even monthly(i admit once upon a time i was that doted on.. for a short while.. a long time ago..) .. its celebrating something personal to you.. i rather the guy treat me well on the other 364 normal days a year buying my flowers occasionally(compared to the cut-throat ones on v-day) and taking me out(compared to the cut-throat set meals) rather than a guy that buys me flowers once a yr and take me to someplace nice once a yr and treats me like shit all other times.. no? well.. at lteast thats me..

anyway.. vday today was spent with my mom n eldest sis TLi(took leave from work coz today is supposedly not a good day to start work).. as usual TLi came over pretty late.. so it was 12 plus by the time we left home.. then went for yummy yam cha at the Shang(which cost a bum btw) not too worth it but still yummy.. *drool*.. went for about 2 hours of shopping and tea at the mall(managed to purchase some stuff that i need AND something extra that mommy liked n bought for me!=P) then..back home.. tried to clean my leather bags.. had dinner with parent bro n sun.. YUMMY FOOD AGAIN!!!.. mom made lap mei fan(some kinda rice dish with those chinese sausages n stuff) which was simply YUM(for lack of a better way to put it) hahaha.. gorged out on carbo man.. and then.. mom bro sun n i started folding the paper money that is needed to burn for the ancestors on the 8th nite of CNY.. its called Kim.. and its these pieces of paper that is folded into a shape of the gold thingies.. (not bars.. forgot wat its called.. looks abit like lil boats?) .. up to 1.30 in the mornin and here i am boring u to death yes? =P

well.. pretty exciting (romantic?) way to spend v-day .. hahahaha..

ARGH!!! STOOPID EXPLORER!!! im on Sun's laptop(my bro's gf) and.. right after i typed a super long entry.. like 2 lines from clicking on publish.. the damn explorer errorred on me! and its all GONEEEEE!! this is why i use mozilla folks.. coz explorer is DAMN UNRELIABLE!! Stoopid thing.. too lazy to type up everything now.. shesh! till tomolo..

~Happy Chinese New Year Folks!~

after all the hustle n bustle of getting ready its now the end of the second day of CNY.. and as usual in Lyn style.. i managed to get yiet hei(heaty) and that resulted in 2 gigantic ulcers on either side of my tongue on the eve.. =( i guess its good for my diet as i could hardly eat anything.. much less all those hard biscuits! n all those yummy keropok.. n the curry.. n basically anything delicious.. =( *pout*.. its getting better now.. this morning.. managed to whack some biscuits when it wasnt hurtin..=P hahaha.. enuff whining.. new year has been good so far.. tiring coz of the damn things and all the visiting.. and damn bloody hot.. but.. im alwiz thankful and happy that i get another year.. and grateful for everything i have.. and the fact that i can buy lotsa lotsa new clothes and get some side income.. =P
okay.. going to gamble with the cousins now.. wish me luck!!
oh.. heres wishing everyone again.. have a very happy Chinese new year and hope that the year ahead is filled with wealth health happiness and love.. may all ur dreams (rational ones) and wishes be fulfilled and please be extra nice to Lyn.. =P *hugz*

~Plenty of Red to Go Around!

the mad rush to get ready for CNY is on.. clean polish iron rinse wash bake decorate buy(buy buy) u name it.. its like the time of year to get everything done.. the malls and markets are madness.. like everything is for free.. doesent help if other races decide to join in the mad rush as well.. (not a racism comment but its true.. if i were them.. i would most definately stay away this weekend n come out during CNY coz now the chinese are madly buying up everything in sight..)

ohh.. went to mambo nite on wed with siblings sheep n another cousin (n some of their frens).. only spent like 16 bux getting myself n sheep a brandy dry coz other ppl got bottles n entrance was free n there was enuff whisky to go ard.. begining to reallie get sick of whisky.. never fancied it much in the first place and everyone seems to like drinking it here.. (its cheaper than brandy).. mambo was pretty fun.. they played some music from our generation.. (cake jet some others i cant recall atm) upsetting moment is when sheep's fren thought i was older tien sim(2nd sis).. *humph* fineeeee.. i look older than someone is more than 5 yrs my sr?! ARGH!!!

anyway.. met up with cheen n ling for drinks on thurs.. as usual gossipped the time away.. hahaha.. havent met up with them enuff this hols.. it alwiz ends up tat someone is busy or away or somethign comes up.. =( oh.. and im officially a bimbo redhead now.. =P i swear my hairstylist is trying to turn me into a blond.. he knows that i will refuse those super light colours.. so every time i go back to highlight my hair he gets me to agree to go a shade lighter.. ah well.. my mom likes it alot.. keke.. its a tit red for me.. guess i need a bit of time to get used to it..

met up with Sheep Luke n Just for dinner that same day as well..(fri) as usual.. sheep n I were gabbering away and sheep tends to get more spaz when just is ard.. the 2 of them just hack it out.. its quite entertaining.. hahaha.. tried to help luke find some shirt n shoes but only managed to get a nice polo tee.. =)

besides that nothign exciting is happening unless u count running errands as exciting.. i want to escape but then i'll feel bad if im out too long n leave my mom alone to do work.. its a lose lose situation.. *shakes head sadly*

~Ramble whine n grumble~

ya know.. i reallie believe that the quote makes sense.. or maybe im just a stubborn brat that thinks too much about the past and refuses to live reality.. no.. no need maybe.. haha.. im pretty sure i am.. but much as i accepted the facts and the fact that fate and circumstances were not to my advantage and that chances of him leaving the love of his life is extremely slim to non existant.. i stubbornly cling to the fact that besides circumstances.. there wasnt anything seriously wrong with our relationship when he was ard and to the hope that one day.. one day he might get his head screwed on right again(okay.. tats mean..hopefully its tiny enuff you'll miss it..*angelic look*) i cant be talking bad about ppl's relationship when i dont know how the real situatin is can i? its not anyones fault that my dreams had to be shattered for his to come true yes? not everyone wins.. fact 101 of life.. i'd give a big sigh now if i wasnt brought up to beliff that sighing when ur life is fine brings bad luck..
itsjust hard watching happy couples ard u when u know that ur own sad love life is going nowhere.. and that elusive emotion has not resurfaced for anyone else.. not even remotely close.. i mean.. i've thought of going out with ppl.. but.. the feeling i have for them pales in comparison with wat i felt for that one person (whom btw.. i so beliff does not deserve all the heartache i went thru.. *HUMPH*)i know love can sometimes grow n comes when u least expect it to.. but.. hey.. give me at least abit of leeway..
ai.. enuff rambling..im just sounding demented now..

roses are red,
violets are blue,
wats done n said,
still wont give me you..

~Dong dong.. dong CHiaaaaaaang~

CNY is round the corner.. like reallie.. its only *checks watch* 5 days time!! ARGH! so many things to do!! *runs around like a headless chicken in panic* havent put up any CNY deco yet (usually deco = lyn putting up ribbons on poor unsuspecting plants n sticking dyi fish wannabes angpows all over the place) its pretty sad my homemaking skills.. keke.. CNY usually = very stressed n short tempered mother and children trying to keep out of firing range.. especially on the eve n the first day.. man.. i tell u its an art.. being the artful dodger.. n unfortunately.. since LYN is the shortest n easiest name to call.. lyn gets shot down like a pig(or piglet in my case) more than once a day.. hence it also usually means that lyn can sometimes be in a foul mood as well.. this yr.. with nat ard.. i predict its going to be worse.. *shakes head in dismay*

CNY is a very good excuse to get a new wardrobe.. and for parents to give a nice hefty sum of angpow to sustain me.. i finally get to wear all those clothes ive been hording up for CNY.. i'm pretty weird.. when i buy something.. i wont take it out n wear it immediately.. unless its blk n i know i cant wear it during CNY.. but usually i go.. hmm.. i'll keep this n wear this for CNY.. then.. i'll be happily planning wat i can wear it with or watever.. and if a special occasion comes up.. like a nice outing or a need to get dressy up to impress.. then i'll go digging thru my new clothes.. otherwise.. something bought in march can be kept nicely sitting in the cupboard till feb the next yr.. unless i reallie reallie cannot take it.. and have to show it off by wearing it.. hahaa.. see wat a vain person i am.. i admit.. *hangs head* so by the begining of e next yr i usually have a nice hoard.. n if my bro sees me taking out something new to wear near CNY.. he'll nag nag nag me till i wont wear it.. 'CNY is so near.. why wear now.. keep for CNY.. u can wear one new thing everyday then!' (i just got that a few days back when he saw me intending to wear a new skirt) hey.. im not so weird after all coz my bro is worse than me.. hahaha.. lotsa lotsa new clothes all waiting for CNY.. =P

alritey.. now that i've proven how weird my family n i can be.. i shall not proceed any further or no one will wanna be my fren no more.. *sniff sniff* ' im just a girl.. in this world.. '(no idea where that lyrics is from but it just popped in my mind have a horrible feeling its from some horrid teeny booper that i keep hearing on the radio.. )
btw.. e title refers to the 'chirpy' (or rather irritating) music u hear whenever u come within earshot of malls n shops..