~Away (Literally)~

ann lainey yun sis n i are going off to jenolan caves (somewhere in blue mountains another link) for 3 days(wed-fri).. i think its about 4 hours drive from where we are.. its an adventure sorta thingy.. with bush walking.. hiking.. caves.. horseriding and all.. ann suggested the place (trust ann to come up with something outdorsy!).. staying at this cabin place .. looks alrite.. *fingers crossed* went to get some groceries (for lunch n stuff) with the gals.. ekeke.. everyone shopped as if we were going for a week long trip! but.. managed to tone down.. =P

ah well.. gotta head to bed now.. leaving tomolo morning at 10.. slept at an indecently early hour last nite.. Yun n laine were here.. i think.. 5am? but woke up ard 12.. =P

~Tired~

tiring day.. got back late last nite after pool with trav jin lainey n yun.. luckily we got an extra hour of sleep thanks to the daylight savings.. woke up to go joggin/brisk walking with my sis n yun.. (i nearly got left behind.. woke up to the front door closing on my sis!!!) ann was too tired.. it was a good walk.. did laundry..went for lunch then went to ann's to help marinade stuff for the bbq that we had at nite at seang aiks.. (we ended up watching raising helen which is a good movie(2nd time im watching it).. bbq was good.. nothing like spending time with ur frenz! =P played some stupid drinking games (even tho i cant drink coz im on antibiotics!).. watched 'day after tommorrow' again..good movie.. cute guy.. nice special effects.. cute guy!!*wink* ended up falling asleep the last half hour i htink.. keke.. so sleeeeeeepy! anyway.. waiting for my hair to dry now (i dont like using the hair dryer.. my hair is alredi damn dry to start!!) not making much sense.. but yeah.. hmm.. time for bed i guess? blah blah blah!!

~Overcompensating?!~

DAMN!! stoopid acrobat.. while i was trying to load something on mozilla that required that stoopid prog it screwed up my blog entry and now its GONE!!! ARGH!!

okay.. heres trying to retype wat i wrote.. (nothing terribly important anyway.. keke)

i think that some people try to compensate in what they feel is a 'lack of'.. and.. sometimes they end up Overcompensating.. you know.. they feel like they have to act/dress/do something in a certain way to draw attention that they are lacking in something else.. and then.. while doing that.. sometimes they go overboard?! nono.. im not bitching.. im talking about myself.. i dunno.. sometimes i feel that i tend to overcompensate for the lack of in the looks department.. i dunno.. i tend to get all dressy (not that i dont like dolling up and wearing nice clothes!! *wink*) and also tend to be abit 'loud' (not crass.. just loud(i hope).. anyway.. yeah.. i sometimes think that i have to draw attention from the fact that i dont look as good or as nicely shaped as the next female and dont have that fantastic a personality.. trying to be petitte and femine would be a total failure in my care(i reckon).. so i am sometimes... 'loud' (for lack of a better word) .. sometimes i reallie cant be bothered.. then i think about how even after all that.. im still not getting very far.. imagine if i just let it all go! *chases bad images from mind* i dunno..

~Away~

tell me what to do.. show me the way.. to the place where worries are a distant memory.. give me a clue.. of what im meant to do.. of whom im meant to be.. i want to be all that i can and more.. i'm scared and lost.. dont wanna leap blindly.. into the dark abyss where nothing is certain.. dont want to settle for whatever when special is out there.. dont wanna fall when i can soar.. up there away from this all.. i want to spread my wings.. dont keep it clipped.. i want to feel the wind on my face.. dont make me hide.. i want to see it all.. dont close my eyes..
hold me up..
help me see..
help me fly..
away from this all..

~Places We Come to Fear~

Life sometimes brings us to places where we would much rather avoid.. and at the worst of times.. things people do.. the way people act.. its both shocking and silly at the same time.. why do people do the things they do? we should remember that theres always cause and effect to everything? decisions made should take into consideration the people that count to you.. but if you think that those people arent important.. then.. fuck it.. who cares about them rite? tats wat i beliff at least.. if you are not on my list of 'important people in my life' i dont give a flying fuck wat you think about my decisions and my actions.. (unless you are grading me or have some authority over me that is).. but seriously.. why bother wat people think if you dont even take them into consideration when you make the decision to do the thing you did anyway.. then its just being paranoid because u know you are doing something that is not quite right! no? i usually am not too fussed about things people do or how people act.. its their life anyway rite? but when it affects people on the 'list of important people' then i cant help but feel worried.. frustrated.. upset.. am i even making sense here..

life and decisions.. decisions and life..

driving me crazy right now..

till now..
i feel for you
and miss you now and then..
for wats said and done..
tears and laughter come and gone..
doesent change the fact..
that you're still special to me..

~Summarized~

havent blogged for quite some time.. things are pretty hectic here.. i know i sometimes tend to stress over lil things.. but to me.. almost nothing is too small that it doesent matter.. *wrinkles nose*.. but parents are here.. actually.. whole family.. baby and Sun is here too.. so hectic *2.. but time passes reallie quickly.. spend alot of time with the gang.. yun ann van trav n jin.. i think i see them almost everyday.. its good.. i love it when different groups of frenz can actually 'click' and hang out.. =P been playing pool quite a fair bit too.. finally having some progress in that area (when the mood is good).. after 5 yrs of horrible playing.. it hink.. now im just fairly horrible.. hahahaha.. oh.. my sis n i helped yun kill this GIANT FLYING ROACH at their place.. van was pretty hopeless.. just hid in her room then the balcony refusing to come anywhere near the kitchen(where the roach was).. pretty amusing watching yun brandishing two brooms trying to exterminate the roach.. hahahaha.. i wanted to take pics but i was laughing too hard and i knew she would kill me if i took evidence.. hahaha.. van wants a 'emergency kill roach list' where she can call help in case we arent ard.. (talk about phobias!) hahaha.. okay.. gotta go get ready for dinner.. hurricanes.. YUM! =P

~Life and Me~

sometimes i tink that you never know where life takes you.. i alwiz think to myself that everything happens for a reason.. i (TRY to) convince myself that.. eventually.. the GRAND plan will be made known to me.. that every smile bestowed.. every tear shed.. every look favoured.. every hardship endured and every victory shared.. everything will eventuate into a grand finale that will blow my socks away.. i look around me and see happy faces of friends.. of people i love and come to rely on.. i know that i have a family that loves me to pieces no matter how badly i screw up.. i live a sheltered and easy life.. sheltered somewat from the pain and horrors the world can inflict.. i know that i should be thankful.. i AM thankful for everything.. yet.. sometimes.. i feel lost.. i feel like i dont know wat my role is meant to be.. i graviate from being self centered.. to feeling guilty about being just that.. being thoughtless.. trying to be thoughtful.. like a chameleon my emotions my behaviour changes and i feel myself blurring into nothing.. the lack of is sometiems so glaringly obvious that i wonder why no one calls me out for the imposter i am..

have i forgotten my lines in this grand play that we call life?

~Older now.. hopefully Wiser!!~

i'm 22 now.. toppled past the treshold of 'i'm barely legal i dont have to worry about all this shit' (not that i do much now but anyhooo...) i guess now that i'm done with my undergrad.. 22.. i should reallie start taking life seriously.. and decide on a direction i wanna go huh? rather than ambling along crossing bridges when i come upon them.. *shrugs*

the pass week has been pretty hectic.. stress levels rode quite high alot of the time with everything seeming to go haywire at all the wrong times.. but.. i reallie had fun on my birthday thanks to all my darlings.. yun ann van lainey and jin (most prob trav had a share but was late coming so missed out) suprised me with a cake on the eve of my birthday... and flowers from lainey.. =P after gorging out on cake.. we finally went to pancakes becoz the birthday gal (thats me) was dying of starvation due to her stoopid class from 6-9 and getting caught one the phone when trying to ask for advice on something (which caused my phone bill to hit the 100 mark).. but anyway.. i was reallie touched..(and sated after having bananarama pancakes)

on my bday i organized a dinner at this small restaurant called King143.. i chose it coz its at a pretty convenient place and the prices are reasonable for a 'nicey' place.. and when i calle dto make reservations.. they had a private mezzaine area thats kinda off the dining hall .. which suited me fine since i knew we would make alot of noise! =P.. anyway.. van yun and i decided to come up with a theme since we had a private area.. and after about half an hour of bickering over wat to wear.. we came out with 'Red and Black'.. everyone was supposed to turn out in that two colours.. (the bickering was becoz we couldnt decide on a colour where we all had nice tops in) anyway.. ann yun n i went hunting for some devil's horns for yours truly.. (its strange how most gals wanna be playboy bunny or something but i wanna be a devil.. (and angel too but then wings would look a lil weird) nayway.. we came across this cute horns on a hairband.. and they made me get the trident/pitchfork thingie too.. tho mel and yf dint bring it down from the car!! howwible ppl.. but.. yun n lainey went on some secret mission (to do up the dinner place) and it was all very pretty!!! with helium ballons and place cards and all that jazz!! love ya babes!! anyway.. almost everyone showed up in the colours!! cept mark whom claimed all he had was a red tie(which he wore) and john was decked all in blk.. and me in pink instead of red! =P but i DID say that pink was acceptable! to cut a very long and enjoyable story (since im alredi rambling) short.. i reallie reallie had fun.. thanks alot guys.. THAKNS FOR THE IPOD MINI!!! =P and earrings from ann.. will post pics soon!!(when i get them off mel n lainey since my sis's cam decided to die on me) thanks for making my birthday very very fun n memorable!! LOVE YA!!! *hugz*

~Shadows~

the days are filled
while the nites stretch
long and dark..
alone i face the shadows
looming and grey..
they frighten yet fascinate me
as shadows reveal
the lack in me..