~My Poor Hair~

ARGH!! after being told numerous times that long hair looks better on her.. and the fact that sophistication and sex appeal is usually associated with long locks.. wat does this doink go ahead and do? SHE GOES AND CHOPS ABOUT 4 INCHES OF HER HAIR OFF! *rolls eyes*
okay.. that was about a month ago.. but.. last nite while burning photos into a cd to pass to my frens i noticed how long my hair was before.. and then.. miss universe is on now and ALL the contestants have long glossy hair and legs that go on forever!! thank god even tho the hairstylist layered my hair too much he dint cut it as short as i told him to.. and wat else.. im planning to cut off the longest layer coz i think its too layered now..
my poor hair.. no more long (has not been glossy since i started highlighting).. no more 'sexy' and also no more long enuff to provide a 'cover' for those low cut tops i like wearing.. *pout*

did i mention that the contestants have legs that go on n on n on?! my gosh.. im embarrased with my thunder tighs! i'm about 5'6 1/2.. about 3 to 4 inches shorter than most of the contestants but my legs are like twice the size of theirs and like 1/2 the length i tink!! camera also makes u look about one size bigger yes? does not make one feel good about oneself at all!! have decided to purchase some nice very HIGH heels if i come across some..

~Alone~

my sis has gone back home.. i'm alone again.. i know that its not intentional but it seems that i get left behind.. as a child i watched as my siblings left one by one to sydney.. then i cried as my first bf left within 1/2 a yr of e relationship to continue his studies in adelaide.. then when all my siblings came back it was time for me to leave to continue my studies.. and then.. again i cried and cried helplessly when he had to go back to do NS.. (and i dont think i've cried over anyone quite that much before) then after a yr of working here my eldest sis left.. and now.. my second sis has gone back.. and im alone.. again..

i know that not too far in the future i'll be the one thats leaving sydney.. but.. i think.. i've had more than enuff of saying goodbye .. esp bfs! argh!

~Think of Me~

Think of me,
Think of me fondly,
When we've said goodbye.
Remember me once in a while
Please promise me you'll try.

When you find that, once again,
You long to take your heart
Back and be free -
If you ever find a moment,
Spare a thought for me...

We never said our love was evergreen,
Or as unchanging as the sea
But if you can still remember,
Stop and think of me...

Think of all the things
We've shared and seen -
Don't think about the things
Which might have been...

Think of me,
Think of me waking, silent and resigned.
Imagine me, trying too hard
To put you from my mind.

Recall those days,
Look back on all those times,
Think of the things we'll never do -
There will never be a day,
When I won´t think of you...

~Grossed out~

i just watched 'Saw' on dvd.. and.. im seriously grossed out.. disturbed is more accurate i beliff.. but.. man.. i seriously do not recommend this movie with ppl with quesy stomachs or cant take thrillers.. (yun.. i think u would have switched it off after maybe 5 mins).. the whole show was pretty gross.. but the end.. *shudders*.. for those who havent watched it.. i wont mention what part it was.. but.. man.. i reallie wanted to close my eyes.. but its one of those things that u can imagine even with ur eyes closed!! the storyline is good tho.. i mean.. its twistedly sickly smart.. and its a low budget thingie as well i think.. if u tot '7' was gross.. this.. is worse i beliff..

now im just too agitated to go to bed.. i close my eyes n i can see shots of the movie.. (some of the parts are shot in those random flash snap-in-snap-out thingie..) EeEeeeee.. *think happy thoughts think happy thoughts*!! hummmmmmmmm.. *joshharnettbradpitttakeshiedisontobeyjake*

~At Times Like This~

when im feeling sad n blue..
a lil pick me up like this..

does a whole lot of good =)

when asked why im sometimes still feel so hung over someone who doesent love anymore and something that happened years ago.. i usually shrug and say i dont know but i just feel so.. honestly sometiems i dont know wat to think.. i guess.. with all his faults.. he's the closest to my ideal.. well.. closest to my ideal and had vague interest in me.. and while i may not find myself unworthy of watever we had ( i know i gave it my all.. and more..).. i'm just afraid.. afraid that i dunno.. i wont have someone so 'right' love me again.. someone that let me let down my barriers and just be myself.. someone i could tell anything and everything to and still love me for all my many many faults.. i know.. i'm still young and i've got my whole life ahead of me.. but.. how many ppl can look into a flawed gem and see only perfection?

~Movie Weekend~

this weekend has been generally unproductive in the education side.. but.. 1 watched 4 movies! =) ranging from like.. movies from about 30 years ago to a movie that came out on thurs.. keke.. on friday nite watched 'war and peace' on dvd.. its an Audrey Hephurn movie.. REALLIE old.. was about napolean invading germany and how this group of ppl with different views took it.. and yeah.. alot of things.. 3 hours man.. i was quite amused by the movie coz.. 1st of all her dresses in them were reallie pretty and also they were so ... dramatic! hahaha.. was abit slow.. but an ok movie i tot..
then on sat.. came 'in good company'.. its the one with dennis quaid and topher something or rather.. (the guy from 'that 70's show' and scarlett j. i thought that the movie was pretty sweet.. about this 50+ guy suddenly finding out that his company got taken over and his new boss is half his age.. and.. his wife is pregnant.. and his 18 yr daughter is going away to coll in the city.. okay.. im trying to think of the main point of the movie.. but.. it dint leave that much of an impression.. basically the young boss (topher) guy very green.. n kinda learns from dennis and ends up looking up to him.. n also ends up seeing his daughter!! keke.. its one of those films u watch..then dont think twice about it..
oh.. watched the final installment of star wars midnite last nite too.. the kiasu malaysians we were (plus one singaporean).. we made sure we got there 40 mins before the movie started..(its free seating here) (and even bought our tix about 2 hours before online).. and.. guess wat.. NO QUEUE. hahaha.. i think.. sat nite here.. is drinking nite.. and ppl rather drink then watch star wars.. so.. basically i think there were maybe 10 other ppl in the cinema besides us.. kekeke.. was quite funnee.. i actually brought a deck of cards so we were just sitting down playing cards while some of us were trying all kindsa weird stunts .. ie jin trying to do a headstand but failing miserably and my sis n yun taking pics with the posters.. kekeke.. but anywaaaaay.. i tot the movie was okay.. im not a big star wars fan.. cant reallie remember the original three anymore.. but.. i guess for gals this movie is okay.. coz.. its more.. 'emotional'? i mean the reason why anakin became darth vadar.. if i here in his position.. i would also entertain the thought of accepting the DARK side to save padmer.. or however u spell her name.. coz.. to him. shes the ONLY thing he has that keeps him sane among all the choas i reckon.. the only thing REAL.. and after losing his mother.. the thought of losing her.. i dont think i would be able to bear it too.. of coz i wont go all psycho like him.. but i understand how his beliefs and resolutions are shaken so badly.. and i feel reallie reallie sad for that cute lil boy.. no?

and finally.. i just watched 'spanglish'.. a movie about 'every family has a hero' (acc to the cover).. but.. its one of those movies the gal should NOT get the good guy but she does.. irritates the shit out of me but yeah thats life yes? anyway.. its about how this spanish woman who does not speak any english (flo) gets a job as a helper in this american family where the mom is just a neurotic selfcentered bitch, the grandma is alco(was a well known singer before) and the family just suffers from the bitch mom.. the dad (adam sandler) is such a nice guy and well.. basically a very good catch.. family man.. owns his own restaurant.. the basically takes all the shit.. abit wussy at times.. but the good guy.. the story goes on about how flo n her daugher ends up staying at the house.. and things happen.. how ppl from 2 different cultures can learn from each other.. and.. dad n flo end up having a thing for each other.. but.. becoz they both have families they let it lie.. (n bitch mom has an affair).. it makes u think.. that the sacrifices ppl make.. for family.. for other ppl.. how some ppl stay in a marriage for the kids.. but persoanlly i tot they would have done much better without the bitch mom.. just couldnt stand her!! =P

okay.. need to get my Cover Letter done.. man.. looking for a part time job along my lines is NOT EASY.. esp when im not a PR.. makes me think about MY decisions in life! whether or not im making the right ones.. (most certainly not the best decision maker when it comes to matter of the heart~!!)

~Chocky High.. n other things~

had max brenners (this yummy hot chocky place where u can just go to chocky heaven).. my sis has been craving it for some time now.. so we FINALLY got a seat.. we have been there twice(or three times) where its either full for the nite or almost closing.. this time.. it was actually full.. but then.. i spoke to the waiter and must have sounded reallie pathetic.. and so happen someone left at the bar.. so while we were discussing wat to do outside he came to tell us there was a spot! *beam* anyway.. fastforward one lethal mocha and a drool-worthy chocky souffle and u have a Lyn on Chocky high.. =P

fastforward a few more hours and i'm feeling like shit now.. on the 'down'.. for some reason not feeling too well..

anyway.. my mouth hurts.. i have i think 10 ulcers at various (strategic painful) places in my mouth.. =( i think ive been eating too much heaty stuff.. and plus the 'dehydrated' sick day.. plus my hormones.. irritating.. IRRITATING!!

calvin mentioned that i seemed to be sick alot this year.. quite true i feel.. was coughing for a about a month.. been having irritating phlegm ever since.. almost got the flu a few times.. i dunno why.. maybe not getting enuff TLC.. kekeke.. maybe im not getting enuff exercise (have been slacking.. BIG TIME).. maybe been eating out too much.. i dunno.. *shrugs* need someone to take care of me i reckon!! kekeke..

man.. i reallie should be getting some sleep.. have to drag my sorry self to class tomolo at 10 again.. grace is not going so i HAVE TO GO!! argh!! im not on the chocky high anymore but im feeling very fidgity and my gastric seems to be acting up again.. =
i try and i try.. but.. somehow.. thoughts of you still manage to sneak into my mind.. random thoughts when im doing stuff.. thinking of wat you are doing.. who you're with.. and mainly about how different things would be if our lives were still intertwined..i had planned so many things to do with you.. and in reality.. we are barely even friends anymore..

~Of Random Things~

Trav took his 2 frenz that were visiting to a strip club last nite.. (not too sure whether its a hush hush thingie but *shrugs*).. and i dint get to go watch the bathroom scene one!! =( i wanna go once.. just to see wats the fuss about!! anyway.. i found it quite amusing.. when he told me about it.. and i mentioned that i wont be adversed to learning to pole dance and/or stripdance.. just for the heck of it.. he looked shocked.. and i think i shocked him more when i said that i wont mind bedroom games like dressing up (something simple like nurse/teacher..) and handcuffs(or rather scarves would be more comfy).. mind u.. i am INNOCENT and have done none of the above mentioned(nor got anywhere close to being able to do it!) but i reallie wont mind trying things once.. just to spice things up abit.. *wink* as long as its HARMLESS.. dont think i wanna be calling someone to help me out.. hahaha.. he reckons my bf will be one lucky dude and i think like a guy sometimes.. haha.. i just agree with the latter.. (and hope for a good bf!)

anyway.. on to other random things.. sis and i watched the finale for survivor palau.. we dont follow the series but the final was just too 'chi kek'.. all the backstabbing and scheming!! and.. we came to a conclusion that neither of us would survive in any of these reality shows (like amazing race or survivor) .. personally i think i would just end up eihter having.. gastric (very likely) food poisoning.. (likely) or migrane (VERY likely).. hahaha.. i live a spoiled pampered life.. =P

miss klutz i mantain that u are NOT stupid.. nor a moron.. nor anything near that sphere..

i think i unconciously favour sad songs about heartbreak and unrequited love.. among my favs now are.. Jem-maybe im amazed, Tanya Chua - I'll Remember You and Yuan Dian.. (about unforgettable loves) Mazzy Star - Into Dust and one of my fav bands is Dashboard confessionals whose main theme is about heartache?!

the weather is gloomy.. oh so very gloomy that i feel like sleeping all the time.. doesent help that it rains half the time and im stuck at home studying for the damn 20% test tomolo.. i wanna just cuddle up in bed.. pref with a boy as company.. (nice n warm one pls!)

oh.. and studying for law is BORING BORING BORING!

~Movie quiz thingie~

movies movies movies!
tagged by Yunnie

1. Total number of films I own on DVD/video
too many to count.. i come from KL remember..

2. The last film I bought
i think last few i bought were Vanity fair, Being Julia n some others that i doubt i got to watch anyway..=
3. Last film I watched
DVD- Whipped.. a weekly dvd my sis n i borrowed out of boredom but was pretty funny
Movie- Kingdom of Heaven.. actually thought it was pretty okay..

4. Five films that I watch a lot or that mean a lot to me
errrmmmmmm....
Shawshank Redemption left an impression
10 things i hate about you and Moulin Rouge have memories associated with them..
hmmm.. so many movies running thru my head..
i guess Romeo & Juliet.. loved that when i was younger.. how true love sometimes isnt destined
one more for some random film that i cant think of at the moment.. only can think of the 'pop' ones i liked as a teen! =P

5. Tag five people and have them put this in their journal
not many ppl read my blog have blogs of their own.. the ones that do..yun?jeremy?john?lene? i think thats about it.. haha

~My Feet Hurt!!~

i've been walking ard with socks for the past two days coz for some reason.. on thurs nite the soles of my feet suddenly felt so dry that it seemed like they were going to crack n bleed! n my fingers too!! i think i was dehydrated coz that time i had a fever n body ache too.. *wrinkles nose* not very nice.. sat thru 3 hours of class coz theres a 30?(i think) test next week.. yes kiasu.. came back n just crashed for about an hour plus before i just plonked myself on the couch n watched national treasure.. which is a pretty okay movie.. couldnt sleep till like 4 that nite.. coz of that damn nap i took! then got woken up by a sms reply at like 5am from a sms i sent before i fell asleep.. n had to drag my sorry self out of bed at 9.20 for class.. =( i must say i was kinda like a walking zombie that morning.. n now my feet are nicely moisterized n protected by socks coz its like pins n needles walking ard without socks.. getthing better tho!

just had a gals only steamboat.. YUM!! and had a game of pictionary.. =) was quite fun.. gals vs boys.. it was damn close.. both of us were at the last box.. but the boys won.. oh.. went to this bar/lounge with a live band last nite.. it was pretty interesting.. was supposed to be a jazz club.. but.. i dont think it was.. but it was interesting.. =) its good that all these things are happeining to keep my mind out of the 'no go area'.. =P esp ard this time of the month..

and my feet still feel weird..

~Some quiz thingie~

The Keys to Your Heart

You are attracted to those who are unbridled, untrammeled, and free.

In love, you feel the most alive when your partner is patient and never willing to give up on you.

You'd like to your lover to think you are optimistic and happy.

You would be forced to break up with someone who was emotional, moody, and difficult to please.

Your ideal relationship is open. Both of you can talk about everything... no secrets.

Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment.

You think of marriage as something precious. You'll treasure marriage and treat it as sacred.

In this moment, you think of love as something you thirst for. You'll do anything for love, but you won't fall for it easily.

What Are The Keys To Your Heart?

eh yun.. some of it similar to urs huh?!

~This Ain't a Love Song by Bon Jovi~

I should have seen it coming when roses died
Should have seen the end of summer in your eyes
I should have listened when you said good night
You really meant good bye
Baby, ain’t it funny, how you never ever learn to fall
You’re really on your knees, when you think you’re standing tall
But only fools are know-it-alls and I played that fool for you

I cried and I cried
There were nights that died for you baby
I tried and I tried to deny that your love drove me crazy, baby

If the love that I got for you is gone
If the river I cried ain’t that long
Then I’m wrong, yeah I’m wrong, this ain’t a love song

Baby, I thought you and me would stand the test of time
Like we got away with the perfect crime but
We were just a legend in my mind
I guess that I was blind
Remember those nights dancing at the masquerade
The clowns wore smiles that wouldn’t fade
You and I were the renegades, some things never change

It made me so mad ’cause I wanted it bad for us baby
Now it’s so sad that whatever we had, ain’t worth saving
If the love that I got for you is gone
If the river I’ve cried ain’t that long
Then I’m wrong, yes I’m wrong, this ain’t a love song

If the pain that I’m feeling so strong
Is the reason that I’m holding on
Then I’m wrong, yeah I’m wrong - this ain’t a love song

I cried and I cried
There were nights that I died for you baby
I tried and I tried to deny that your love drove me crazy

If the love that I got for you is gone
If the river I cried ain’t that long
Then I’m wrong, yeah I’m wrong - this ain’t no love song

If the pain that I’m feeling so strong
Is the reason that I’m holding on
Then I’m wrong, yeah I’m wrong - this ain’t a love song

If the pain that I’m feeling so strong
Is the reason that I’m holding on
Then I’m wrong, yeah I’m wrong - this ain’t a love song

~Why~

why does the mere sight of you set my emotions in turmoil.. hurt and longing.. 2 constant emotions that i try to set behind me but crash thru my walls of self defence whenever i think of you or see you.. why does it bring out regrets in me that i should not have at all except for caring too much..

~Dawn~

poor dawn has left us.. after looking lacklustre and listless for about 2 days.. we found her dead this morning.. =( but i think its better now coz yesterday she couldnt seem to eat.. she'll try to eat the pellets n it comes out again.. i dunno wat was wrong.. tried putting some broad spectrum med and changed half the water but she dint get better.. =( after she died her tummy turned brown.. there must be something wrong with her stomach or liver or something.. so sad.. shes been with me for 10 months now.. going to bury her in the courtyard downstairs.. =( now the tank looks abit empty with just sunshine n hope.. i hope dawn is in goldfish heaven!

i havent been blogging much lately.. life ambling along.. hanging out with my frenz alot.. which is a Very good thing.. i'm going to reallie miss them if/when i go back home.. besides foundation.. i dont think think i've spent so much time hanging out with frenz.. and next year who knows wat happens.. its going to be so weird.. not being able to just up n go.. not being able to see yun lainey trav jin ann like every day or every other day.. man.. atm.. im the only thats going back to malaysia.. yun will be in sg and the rest would be here.. =( at least sg is very nearby!!

hmm.. i guess.. another reason why i havent been blogging alot.. is that.. i dont wanan keep posting depressing entry after depressing entry.. maybe coz i keep a happy front when im alone i tend to think of things that arent all sunshine n blossoms.. recently.. something very small made me face facts that sometimes no matter how hard i try to believe otherwise.. people do change.. sometimes not to the better.. sometimes no matter how hard i try.. i cant make things easier or better if the other party doesent appreciate it.. i know i'll keep trying.. its my nature.. as sheep said when i asked her why i kept doing the things that i do.. ' cause u care n u'll always care.. nothing u can do about it'.. care in the sense of having a soft spot.. its true.. i'll alwiz care.. but i think i need to learn to control my thoughts more as they have been running pretty much amok.. BUT BUT.. i seriosuly think im getting better.. finally u say? yeap.. finally..

even a silly person will eventually get tired of standing in the shadows behind someone waiting for them to glance back again..

not everyone gets their happy ending.. but no matter how i may seem to be.. i've alwiz been convinced that this is far from the end..

~Of Missing Things~

i found my pen-knife(from my pencil case) that ive been hunting high n low for the past week or so! =) someone put it in the corner of the utility(tape scissors) drawer.. i looked in tehre maybe 4 tiems but dint see it until yesterday when i was looking for my missing nokia phone(its blk! maybe i missed it).. then.. i found my phone on my bed under all my soft toys.. i wasnt too fussed about that phone coz i know its somewhere in the hosue as i seldom bring it out(only when my normal 3 phone runs out of batt).. i think.. the reason why it was there coz.. i smsed sheep(my 3 line has problems with international smses) very late last time n fell asleep waiting for a reply.. (that dint come anyway!) so exciting..

now.. if i can only find that missing boy in my life.. *wink*