~Of Probabilities~

probability of finishing this weeks h/w in 20 mins - Very Low (make that impossible)
probability of getting participation marks this week - Low (no prep)
probability of tutor collecting h/w this week - High (dint collect last 3 weeks)
probability of failing the damn finance quiz - Very High (punishment for trying to cram for a calculation based sub in one day w/ no prior knowledge at all)

in conclusion..
lyn = not a very happy trouper

[edit]
i dint finish the work
dint say much during tute
he did collect the work (there goes my one 'lazy' pass.. now need to do work consistantly)
=(

~Love Like The Movies~

~Weekend Report~

bought a new bag today!! actually went shopping at bondi jnt with yun yest and saw a bag i liked but they dint have it in the colour i wanted so had to pick it up at double bay today.. nono.. i dont have too many bags.. besides this is utterly different from those that i do.. ask yun.. for one this is hugggeee.. can fit any 'ka chang' (nonsense) i wan in it.. and its fairsake(off white).. so pretty.. and not TOO pricey.. (i have a tendency to convert everything to RM which is *3..) but new bag!! *jumps ard in excitement like my msn turtle emote*..

baked cookies (white chocky w macadamia nuts) last nite while waiting for my hair to dry..(oh.. also finally took yun to Kyushu (best terriyaki ive had so far) for dinner.. YUM) been wanting to for a few days n finally got to it.. (in my new nightie slip with a tee to protect it and wet hair.. so professional looking yes? haha) or at least baked half last nite n decided the other half will have to wait till morning.. =P anyway.. so far the feedback has been good.. yun said it tastes like (damn i forgot the brand of cookies).. but its bigger.. and brought some upstairs and 3/7 said its like the subway ones!! (the others liked it too!) so exciting.. one of the reasons why i love to bake.. =) i like it when ppl ard me are happy..

met some of yun's friends today.. which was pretty exciting as well.. i guess meeting ppl is alwiz exciting but its a plus that u dont feel all akward when ur the only unknown..
on the downside i broke 2 of my 4 wineglasses.. cleaning up from fri nite.. i broke one while washing them (i think the water was too hot n a slight knock broke it).. and i accidently knocked another over when it was drying.. =( only 2 left..

argh.. 10% finance test on tuesday and i have NO CLUE on wats going on till now.. this is the lecture where he gives SEVEN mins break in the whole 3 hours lect.. and none of my other frens are doing it.. and.. yeah.. basically i reckon i reallie need to dig in.. *wrinkles nose*

hmm.. anyone know how to create gif images from jpegs?

~Friday Night In~

some good friends.. 2 bottles of wine.. some junk food.. a pen.. a random quiz.. a few pieces of paper.. a deck of cards and some gambling chips..

5 hours+ ..

good company does wonders to a friday nite spent at home..

~Love Like a Child~

i think nowadays.. love.. the supposedly 'oh so simple' emotion is definately not so simple anymore.. more often than not its influenced and overshadowed by numerous other emotions.. distrust.. jealousy.. pain.. suspicion.. questions.. lust.. and so many more questions.. yes.. we are but humans and humans are flawed.. (majorly).. but it pains me to see that we go from children.. where love is unconditional.. untainted by any other emotions.. to love just because.. and then as adults.. to love as such would be seen as naive and unwise.. a pure recipe to getting hurt.. as adults i think there is always an inherent want or need when someone chooses to enter into a relationship.. the want of having someone to call your own (no not in a posessive property way!).. the want to further your life.. the need to satisfy an attraction/lust.. the need to feel secure..

what happened to loving just because?

the smell of babies
the bubble of happiness
the playfulness of a child
the cheeky smile
the gurgle of laughter
unguarded joy without bother
wanting to be cuddled
wanting to be held
chubby arms held outstreched
no questions asked
no doubt exists
only love persists

~Whats on Today~

6 mths free bazaar subscription thanks to being loyal to vodafone (my hp provider) choice (for me at least) was between gourmet, cleo n bazaar.. (rest were guy stuff).. i reckon i made the right choice.. =)

woke up at 830 (after 5 hours of sleep) to attend a 'director lunch' thingie at deloittes.. basically about 40 students listening to the CEO, chief marketting off and chief HR guy talking.. open forum.. then mingling a lil.. nothing much for me as im not a PR and they cant offer me anything.. but.. was just curious to see wat it was about.. might think of applying for deloitte back home.. their graduate prog(at least here) sounds pretty interesting.. but NO AUDIT PLS!

audit quiz later.. have NOT studied.. but somehow.. here i am.. argh! its supposed to pretty easy.. but knowing me i'll jsut screw it up.. *wrinkles nose*.. Must.. study.. now..

procrastinating and trying to avoid doing school work can be quite a full time job.. *wrinkles nose*

~Why I don't eat Oats~

i remember now why i dislike eating oats..

made a trip to coles(supermkt) to look for my current fav cereal.. this strawberry n yogurt mix.. 3rd time i'm looking for it.. couldnt find it.. so looked ard for something with strawberry in it.. came across strawberry and cream oats.. now.. i have cereal for breakfast almost every morning and i have like a few kinds.. i remember having instant oats (uncle toby's) before but dint reallie take to it.. cant remember why tho.. but then yun and my mom likes oats.. so i tot id give this one a try..

fast forward.. late at nite.. curious about my new buy.. cant wait till morning to try it out.. so had some (followed instructions to the T) and now i feel sick..

i realise its the same way i felt after the uncle toby's one..
=(

anyone interested in Lowan's strawberry n cream oats?

~Snowboarding~

went snowboarding for the first time last weekend.. it was FANTASTIC.. the trip was organized by john's aunt.. trav lainey yun n i were in one car.. twas a 6 hour drive there.. (give n take a lil as we got a lil lost following the directions given by someone)
anyway.. took the 2 hour lesson the first day.. learnt how to feather down.. learnt how to 'z' down the baby slope.. then after lunch we (trav yun n i) trooped to the beginner slope to try to conquer the dreaded 's'.. had a few bad falls.. decided to put off s's till tom.. (was just too painful alredi esp after one particular fall).. learnt how to play texas poker..(with skittles as currency no less)..
second day.. woke up sore.. neck hurt like hell after yesterdays whip lash.. but still intent on making it to the slopes.. started snowing on the way to the slopes.. and it was seriously windy n snowing UP on the slopes.. everyone else decided to just muck ard coz the weather was bad but the young (n reckless) decided to have another go at it.. went to a different beginner slope.. (the weather condition was bad so alot of the slopes were closed).. the ice.. hard as rock man.. the wind will just porpel me (sometimes in the wrong direction) down the hill.. acquired those 'pretty' bruises on my knees that day as the wind kept tipping me over in front.. *grimance* 3 times down the slope was all i could manage before my body screamed 'stop torturing urself!' (yes.. im a wuss.. so sue me).. after lunch trooped down the slopes from first day.. weather was much better n snow was MUCH SOFTER.. but there were like 20 times more ppl as well..
got back ard 9 ish.. took a nice hot bubble bath.. *ahhhhhhh* but also started aching all over..
woke up this morning.. feeling extremely immobile.. had difficulty even turning over bed much less getting OUT of bed.. my whole neck feels like a punchbag..

summary of lyn's snowboarding exp.. painful(very).. expensive.. still not able to do s's but FANTASTIC!

the storm has come and gone
leaving a bitter taste
the storm has passed(i hope)
whats next, i ask
after the storm
do i see the sun?

~Bent by Matchbox 20~

If I fall along the way
pick me up and dust me off.
and if I get too tired to make it
be my breath so I can walk
If I need some other love
give me more than I can stand
and when my smile gets old and faded
wait around I'll smile again

shouldn't be so complicated
just hold me and then
just hold me again

can you help me I'm bent
I'm so scared that I'll never
get put back together
you're breaking me in
and this is how we will end
with you and me bent

If I couldn't sleep could you sleep
could you paint me better off
could you sympathize with my needs
I know you think I need a lot

I started out clean but I'm jaded
just phoning it in
just breaking the skin

start bending me
It's never enough
I feel all your pieces
start bending me
Keep bending me until I'm completely broken in

shouldn't be so complicated
just touch me and then
just touch me again

life sometimes feels like its a rollercoaster ride of ups and downs..
but why oh why..
so many dips and too few peaks..

turbulent times..
pull me along..
without a reason or rhyme..

~Icons~

random surfing brought me to these..








found at loveletterbox

let me hide away..
least u see whats beneath..

i'm sitting here.. listening to the same song over and over again.. letting the music wash over me.. yet the words barely register.. i'm trying to get my mind into coherant thoughts.. i'm trying to prevent my emotions from overpowering my thinking.. so many things i want to say and do.. so many emotions i want to show.. but.. its so difficult.. there so many things and consequences that i have to take into account..

and now.. even as i sit here.. everythings so jumbled up i dont think im making much sense..

yes i'm alright.. no.. i'm not messed up..

i just need to learn to deal..

i'm sorry for being needy.. i'm sorry for being a know-it-all.. i'm sorry for being an irritating bitch.. i'm sorry i'm not what you want me to be.. and i'm sorry i'm not perfect..

but then again.. how many people are?

its easy to lie to people and say that it's alright..
but its so much harder to lie to yourself that you don't hurt..

~Of Needs~

its 3am in the morning.. im dead tired but not reallie sleepy.. my throat feels all dry and scratchy from either my cold or the cold meds i (try to remember to) take.. and im hungry.. spent the last 40mins or so cleaning up n tidying my neverending mess of a hall n kitchen before i decided to fuck it n leave it for tom.. and the sense of restlessness still persists, dulling my senses and impairing my judgement..

i hate feeling needy.. i hate sounding needy.. i hate coming off as being very needy.. and i just HATE BEING needy..
but truth be told.. i CAN be very needy sometimes.. (damn monthly cycles make it 10x worse) and im the worst sort of needy person.. the emotional kind.. every now and then i like to be told that i'm special.. i need hugs.. i need to be held and be cared for.. i need someone to care.. not because of who i am.. not because of what i can do for them.. not because they are supposed to.. but because they just do..

and it just gets all fucked up because i KNOW that i should not be needing so much.. i hate myself for it.. and i hate that i expect more than i should.. but yet it persists.. leaving my sometimes frustrated and on edge..

the mirror in which i look to see life and myself gets so fogged up sometimes that i can barely see the reflection of myself nor the wonders of life.. i try to wipe it clear.. but instead i end up bleeding..

maybe i just need to go home..

the highs are bliss but the lows leave you feeling empty..

everyone back home (KL).. please look after yourself.. with the haze its very easy to fall sick.. while we may not be able to do anythin about the haze, please do take percautions and take extra extra care of yourself n family..

~Of Being Restless n of the Ex..~

today i just feel tired.. lethargic.. even tho i only had 6-9.. i could barely concentrate on wat the lecturer was saying.. and he kept saying this is pretty important! argh! so suey rite? i kept nodding off.. and this lecturer is quite strict.. so i kept forcing my eyes open but i think only 50% registered..

talking to the ex never gets easier does it? esp not if there are residual emotions on one side (that would be my side).. nono.. im not backsliding.. i've managed quite successfully to put him from my mind(not sms-ing or msg-in) for quite some time now.. but we do after all go to the same uni and live 5 mins from each other.. i dunno.. im hyper sensitive when it comes to him.. what i would usually overlook can affect me when its to do with him.. its not that i want to be with him.. okay.. maybe on some level i do.. but.. he's changed so much that he seems like a whole different person now.. from a sweet considerate guy.. now.. *shrugs* i know i know.. ppl change.. but.. its alwiz sad to see change of something that wasnt wrong in the first place no? anyway.. any inkling of hope of reconcilation is stored in the back of my heart as one of those things i cannot reallie control.. but i do still care and i do want to be friends.. not just hi and bye friends.. REAL friends.. i know it would be hard to be friends and think about throwing away that inkling of hope that still exists.. but i'm at least willing to try.. but man.. does he have to make it so difficult? it takes two hands to clap and two to tango.. it also takes two to have some semblance of a friendship..

anyway.. recently.. ive been feeling a sense of.. restlessness.. its not like i dont have things to do.. i do! but yet i feel like im dragging my feet.. its like i lost my sense of motivation.. im not sure what i wanna do or where i wanna go.. i'm just plodding through waiting for something.. wat something? i don't know myself.. i dont know wats wrong with me.. maybe i'm living in denial.. thinking that if i move slower.. time would move slower too and my last semester here would not past as quickly as it seems to be whizzing by me.. maybe im just a spoilt little brat that refuses to face the fact that i have to leave this and face working life.. maybe i long for something.. something that seems to elude me time after time.. maybe im still going after wat i know i cannot have.. maybe i'm just lazy.. maybe im in one of those moods or.. OR.. maybe im just being all whiny and sick at the moment.. i don't know..

something is seriously wrong with my pc.. this is the THIRD time im typing here.. and its irritating the shit out of me.. =| forget it.. going to bed..

~Sick AGAIN~

have i ever mentioned how i HATE being sick! having my nose drip like a running tap is not the most appealing thing (make that the most unappealing thing) and just feeling lethargic all the time SUCKS... BIG TIME.. *grumble grumble* hatehatehate
sitting in front of the tube for 4 hours plus n then starting to do work from 1-4 am is not much fun too.. but i cant resist the tv if its on! its like this magnet! the new series 'grey's anatomy' looks pretty alrite too! love these 'medical' movies.. prefer 'house' tho.. more focused on the medical side rather than the relationship stuff which grey's is based on.. anyway... had six hours of skool today with 2 hours break.. one of them spent researching stuff for tute work in skool labs and another rushing home to eat lunch n rushing back.. by the time i got to my 6pm class i was seriously zombie-like..

ah well.. anyway.. nothing much exciting happening here.. jin came back last week.. damn cute with new 'korean' hair-do.. i couldnt stop laughing for about 5 mins.. but kinda getting used to it.. hahaha.. havent been seeing that much of him either since he's busy DOTA-ing.. *Rolls eyes*.. oh.. had pot luck on sat nite followed by drinking.. pot luck was pretty okay.. but was abit dissapointed in my lamb shanks.. couldnt use beef stock so wasnt as tasty.. =\ but drinking was funnee.. li ann from playacting tipsy to actually becoming tipsy.. n towards the end i found that happy happy high too.. haha.. abit delayed but it was good to fall asleep.. (at like 5plus in the morning) =P

~Flowers.. which gal hates them?~

bought lilies while ann yun n i had lunch at paddington last weekend.. and a week later and they are blooming BEAUTIFULLY! =) the pic on the bottom left is the most recent one(about an hour ago!).. dont they look pretty? actually bought them for trav's aunt as i was supposed to go up for dinner (and i had nothing to cook/bring) but ended up dint go.. so kept it for myself.. =) had some iris to add some color to the white.. but then my vase was too small and had to put them individually but i reckon they still look good yes? =) very pretttty ah! =P

~Sheets sheets sheets!~

i've just discovered.. that the first reallie dark coloured bedsheet(very dark blue) i bought (at the begining of the year during aussino sales <-- very exciting) IS TOO BIG FOR MY BED!!i must have grabbed the wrong size!shitshitshit.. i think i got a king man.. its HUGE! coz i think i was in kinda in a hurry that day(so many choices so little 'moolah').. was thinking whether i shold take it back for my sis or parents.. then i realised that none of them like dark colours(mom likes all those very bright floral ones.. n sis.. not much prefference i think she only chose 1 sheet.. mom or i usually ends up buying them) yes..i admit it.. in this aspect im extremely girly.. since i arrived in sydney 4 n 1/2 eventful years ago i have acquired more than 5 sheets (3 of them blue i think..) brought over 2 old sheets from home(1 of them my fav floral one i 'thieved' from my mom) n about 3 or 4 quilt covers? AUSSINO RULEz! decently priced(compared to here n esp during sales) and nice!

will stop rambling about my nice sheets now.. i dunno.. i love my bed alot even tho i seem to spend very few hours IN it.. =P maybe i need a'bed companion' yes? *cheeky look*

~Insulted!!~

im begining to feel a wee bit insulted at the number of ppl who think that i totally cannot cook at all HUMPH!! i happen to be a fair cook.. i actually dont mind cooking.. but its not like i had much of a choice.. here alone.. get abit sick of eating outside food after awhile.. sooner or later u going to have to learn how to feed urself no? anyway.. i dont have to justify myself.. but sheeesh.. just feel abit cheesed la when they go.. You can cook meh?! or did u have to go to the toilet alot the next day.. =\ u mean i look like one of those spoilt princesses that gets tired just thinking of boiling water ah!? but on the other hand means i dont look like a si lai (housewife) at least.. =P ah well.. u cant have it all can u?

~Of Dodgy Nightmares~

argh.. i hate nightmares.. last nite.. i dreamt that i missed my history exam becoz i got the days wrong!! man was i frantic.. and for some reason in my dream i think it was my SPM (O's).. and i was back home and my mom was ready to kill me and my bro n sis were trying to help me think of a way i can sit for the sub (which spm doesent have but i dunno why i was dreaming of it).. do i have anything important coming up that im likely to forget?! besides nat's bday which did slip my mind till few days ago i cant think of anything coming up!!

and.. i dreamt the i had 2 goldfish.. a normal one and a black goldfish(those kind with the bulging eyes which i dont like in the first place) and.. i forgot to feed it and e blk one was sick and ITs EYE FELL OUT! man was i freaked!! *shudders*maybe coz im worried about sick faith which is not looking too happy today =( but this is not the first time i dreamt that i had fish.. prior to this

~From the movie "Someone Like You."~

"There is nothing sadder in this life than to watch someone you love walk away after they have left you. To watch the distance between your two bodies expand until there is nothing left but empty space... and silence."

~Nothing Exciting Today~

report on hope: slightly more active today.. was going to change abit of the water but decided to leave it for today since he seems to be swimming ard more.. *fingers crossed*

learnt how to play the opening of Wonderwall on the guitar!! my second guitar lesson.. and i would have to say that the accoustic is much easier to play then the classical.. (or issit the other way round?) the smaller one!! i could play it for longer as i dint have to torture my poor fingers so badly.. i think i irritated trav n his bros a fair bit by playing the same four chords over n over again (*shush* yes its ONLY four chords!) =P

as i mentioned before, i've been going up to trav's place pretty often these days.. i'm begining to feel like its TOO much!! nono.. its not like they are begining to get irritated with me.. they still look/sound pretty happy to see me.. or maybe its the food i tend to bring along.. *wrinkles nose*.. but anyway.. i dunno.. i suppose i dont wanna impose too much? or maybe i'm not used to going over to ppl's house all the time.. (besides bf).. usually my frenz come over to MY place.. the apartment has been the congregation area ever since i got here.. which is fun.. but sometimes tiring to clean up after.. *wrinkles nose*.. i reallie dunno.. also.. trav.. cant seem to pull himself away from WoW.. just asks me to 'come up n hang out la' (means him playing WoW n me pestering him with something or rather) and also sometimes i go up n try to detach him from the comp n end up doing all sorts of nonsense or hanging out with his bros.. *rolls eyes* and also.. i spend most of day time alone.. and at night.. i feel like i need some company.. and since yun has become quite the hermit.. upstairs is the easiest place to go (i dont even need to change.. =P) am i justifying wat i do? do i need to? i just feel bad for imposing.. and suppose im a pest but they are too nice to ask me to leave? YUN!! U NEED TO MOVE BACK TO CAMBRIDGE SO I CAN GO UP TO UR PLACE!

~Chocky Cake n Sick Hope~

HOPE LOOKS SICK!! worry worry.. hope is my lil white n orange fantail.. he hasnt been as active since i got back from NZ.. but i thought it was nothing much.. then he started resting on the bottom of the tank on the same spot almost all the time (except when i walk near it and he thinks im going to feed him).. i quickly kept n changed the water but he still aint as hyper as he used to be.. still resting there.. =(.. put abit of general med yesterday n some salt today.. hopefully he will be better.. might drop by a fish shop tom to ask some questions.. he looks totally fine.. cept trav says hes tummy looks abit bloated! argh! poor hope! he was like that before when i put in this dodgy plant which the person at the shop recommended but then kept dropping leaves all over n dirtying the tank! but he got better n now like that again!! HOWWW.. =(

skool.. boring as usual.. i must comment on my boring finance lecturer which only gave in total a SEVEN minute break for a whole THREE hours.. i think i nodded off for 5 mins.. and its in a bloody lecture hall n not class!! no table to rest my head n sleep properly! =( need to start doing work soon.. n reallie get my ass moving to look for a job.. argh.. i dont wanna do any of those! i rather cook! (recent bouts of cooking n baking.. doubt i can keep it up for long.. =P but its good when u get ppl that happily whollop everything like its superb! =P)

my chocky cake made its first and final appearance today at the loh residence..(managed to save a slice for Yun tho) forgot to take pic of it before i brought it up so had to take a blurry one with my phone cam.. but luckily i took a pic of it before trav started stealing the strawberries! i realised that my cooking/baking doesent look too fantastic but ive been told they taste damn fine.. ahhaha.. *basks in praise* as i dint use the right pan (couldnt find a proper round one so used a sponge one hence the hole in the middle).. the texture was a quite similair from wat the recipe said.. it was like a cross between a brownie on the outside n melty semisoft chocky in the middle.. but frankly i prefer the brownie recipe i tried previously.. anyway the recipe can be found here

~I'll Worry About It Tomorrow~

wat started as a reallie horrible day turned out to be pretty good after all.. after only 4 hours of sleep woke up with a headache.. and was kept waiting for an hour for Joe to call.. (reason why i woke up.. he was leaving today.. said to have breakkie at 8 but finally only had it at 9.30! aik was delayed in the airport) anyway.. finally DID have breaky with them.. even tho im not reallie close to joe aik or dom.. its fun hanging out with them.. and was sad to see joe leave even tho i only see him every now n then.. when frens that came around the same time as me start leaving.. i think and rethink my decision to go back home for good after i finish during summer.. i think of how sad i would be to leave the other place i've called home for the last 5 years of my life.. =(

met up with 2 old friends.. coffee(n an extremely yummy blueberry apple crumble) with john (old coursemate) and dinner with Mark(old unimate).. and the question of going back came up again.. =\ it seems that the topic weighs pretty heavily on alot of ppl's mind.. while its closing one chapter of life and opening a new one, i fear that i'm going to accept that change with a very heavy heart.. but then.. i'll enjoy today and worry about leaving tomorrow..

while i may have to leave eventually.. i hold in my heart.. a piece of the place i made my home.. the place i learnt to fend for myself.. i hold in my heart.. a piece of the place where i fell in love for the first time.. i hold in my heart.. a piece of the place i made lifelong friends(i hope).. i hold in my head.. pictures of beautiful sunsets and happy faces.. i hold in my head.. snapshots of times joyful and sad..while i may have to leave eventually.. i never really go far from here..

~Songs From the OC~

recent phase of dls.. OST of the OC.. im not a big fan of the show.. especially not the second series where i think they try too hard.. but u cant fault the foot tapping inducing music.. fell in love with Maybe Im Amazed by Jem and Into Dust by Mazzy Star few months back.. but then Wan Win (trav's bro) perked my interest in dl more after he let me listen to If You Leave by Nada Surf .. which is a reallie good song too! no i dont only dl music.. i do SOMETIMES buy cds (if they are on cheap sale or cost less than Aus$15.. =P just bought chillout 5 by MOS for $15! =P)

~Chocky chocky!!~

just made a quick (but sinful) chocolate cake (recipe from the same website where i made the choc cake w/ melted choc last time) and it just came out of the oven.. its supposed to be refridgerated for a day so im reallie resisting the urge to cut myself a slice =P

oh.. and the new peanut butter kit kat is absolutely SCRUMPTIOUS (if thats how u spell it.. too lazy to check).. but then.. i love almost anything with nuts in it (cept those steam nuts!)