~Friday and CNY~

friday fridayyyyyyy!!! its frrrrrrrriiiiiiiiidaaaaaaaay!! *does little jig like danturt* friday means four nice skool free days (okay i have skool twice a week but its damn boring so sue me! =P).. 2 days where the boy doesent have to go to work (hmm.. he dint go to work for for 2 days since he was sick but that wasnt too fun.. ) this particular friday means CNY is in TWO days!! yeah yeah.. first CNY away from home tho.. no reunion dinner.. no yummy food home cooked or snacks.. no ang pows!! oh dear.. i think im going to miss my family(more than usual) knowing that everyone is back home but im here.. but..buttttt.. we must alwiz look on the bright side.. a whole new year again.. must be (am) thankful for everything i have been given.. and how things are.. will be spending CNY's eve on travs balcony again.. =) have been roped into making dessert for an estimate of 15 ppl.. going to go for fail-safe(more than others) brownies and cookies!

MUST NOT BE LAZY!! MUST KEEP LOOKING FOR JOBS!! *chants to herself looking like a madwoman*

in case i'm busy tom (might end up helping the loh boys (since theres only 2 of them here now) clean up..

HAPPY CNY EVERYONE!!
may everyone have health wealth happiness laughter and all the good things!! =)

~Late Nights (Early Mornings?!~

its 2.40 in the morning.. one of the rare nites (at least week nites) im awake at this time.. one of the benefits(?) of going out with someone who is working is that i get alot more sleep than i normally do.. well.. at least i head to bed earlier.. and i do start my day slightly earlier than the usual.. but then im also only dozing in the morning.. so *shrugs*

only reason why im awake is coz of my stupid assignment (which of coz ive been putting off doing for the last 2 weeks! =P) its not a very difficult assignment (at least i think so! unless im missing the point!).. but anyway.. its like 20% for 8 pages of work.. thing is.. its not difficult to bullshit.. but there is quite a fair bit of marks weighing on it.. so im a lil weary that im missing something important or hes looking for something spectacular!

ah well.. done the outline of the points i'm going to write on.. (which came up to abt 370 words!) 2 more days! lyn.. the queen of last minute stress! =P

other areas of life have been going well.. and i hope it continues to do so for a LONGGG time!! tho talking to sis has rattled my resolve to stay a lil (going over the whole issue which made me decide not to apply for PR the first time.. =\ ) its hard.. i feel like i know wat i want.. but then there are so many variables.. so many 'what ifs'.. and i never know wats going to happen in the future.. and when someone older and wiser tells u their opinion and how the view the issue.. its hard not to take that into account.. esp when u know its rational.. but then.. sometimes i wanna make my own mistakes.. i wanna live life.. but thats the irresponsible and immature way of thinking no?

havent written anything in awhile now.. i find it somewhat strange that i started out this blog bitterly hurt over someone.. and now to write about how happy i am with someone else seems.. just strange (for lack of a more suitable word!) i look back now.. at how i was.. and it finally registers what so many of my close friends have told me over and over again.. i deserve someone better.. i know its still considered the 'honeymoon period' of just getting together.. but i feel so much wanted.. much more appreciated and even tho we havent said the words.. so much more loved.. i feel it when he looks at me.. at how he treats me daily.. (okay im going to stop.. i dont wanna jinx anything!! argh!! *touch wood*)

i know that no one reallie believes me when i say that it wasnt so much the fact that i loved yinfu so much that i was just heartbroken and refused to get out of that ganormous pit i was in.. yes i loved him.. but it was not just loving him that left me incapable of completely putting the past behind me for almost 2 years.. it was the fact that i felt so betrayed and hurt and most of all i felt so insecure.. i felt used.. and then discarded.. for something he perceived more worthy..
at first my stubborn nature and pride refused to believe that i meant so little.. so i hung on to the stubborn (stupid idealistic and somewat overly romantic) beliff that he would come back n realise that i was enuff.. i was the one.. and when i finally realised that it wasnt going to happen.. THEN my heartbreak was complete.. and then begun the slow and painful process of trying to pick up the pieces of my heart (which by that time i beliff was alredi dropped, stomped on and totally incinerated).. torturing myself by still trying to mantain the friendship did not help at all.. my pride.. kept telling me hes just stupid to have let me go.. but my insecurities kept whispering that i wasnt good enuff.. and i swung between wanting him(to proof my insecurities wrong and just letting myself slide backward) and hating him

i know some of my close frens and family were so worried i think they would have bundled me up and brought me to a shrink if they believed it would help me.. =P without them i have no idea where i would be.. but i know it took me growing up and being more comfortable with myself and who i am and what i stood for.. to somewhat push those insecurities to the back of my mind and to be proud of myself.. to finally begin to put it behind me last yr..
a yr of stubborn self denial.. a yr of hurt and heartbreak.. and almost a yr of believeing in myself..

yes.. lyn does things in excess sometimes! =P

~Tuesdays with Morrie~

trav brought down the movie when he came for lunch.. i've actually read a lil of the book when i was younger.. and since i was looking for something to watch while i did my ironing.. (yes.. housework seems like a neverending task!).. anyway.. i cant tell u whether the movie or book is better coz i cant remember wat the book was like.. but i can tell u that the movie is pretty good.. its sad.. touching.. and life.. i dont think it needs much introduction as most ppl have heard of the book.. but i found that the movie.. rings quite true.. so many ppl are scared of saying goodbye.. of death.. scared of love.. maybe coz eventually everyone has to say goodbye to the one they love.. and eventually everyone dies..

*rambling starts here*

personally i hate goodbyes.. im one of the lousiest ppl i know at goodbyes.. i've been away from home for over 4 years now.. and everytime my parents send me off at the airport(which can be 1-2 times a yr) i can still get all teary eyed.. in the past.. when my siblings were overseas.. same thing too.. and saying goodbye and not knowing when u'll see the person again.. man.. i do seriously try to avoid that! does that mean i don't know how to say goodbye or that i take it all too seriously?! how do u say goodbye to a person that could leave u anytime.. someone sick.. would u rather just die quickly and abruptly or would u rather have time to say goodbye to ur loved ones? saying goodbye might be difficult.. for both u and other ppl.. but imagine how it would feel to NOT be able to say goodbye.. and to tell them that you loved them.. to not be able to hold them one last time.. to forgive all the grudges and clear all uncertainties.. but i say.. dont leave them till u know u're going to leave.. coz.. u never know when u are going to leave.. today.. tom.. 10 years .. 50 years.. no one knows.. why wait till then to regret and act? why wait when u can do it today.. right now? do ur loved ones know you care and love them? 'im sure they do' may not be enuff.. tell them.. show them.. everyday..

what is life if we dont learn to love and show love?

coincidently.. today is tuesday too! =)

~Almost a Week Gone By~

school started on wed.. argh.. so boring so boring.. the subject so far is slightly similar to FSA which i did last sem.. (and i did NOT enjoy).. so basically the 6 hours of class so far is a lil like revision to me.. and did i mention that the weather since wed has been gloomy and perfect for sleeping?! hahaha.. its so hard to get out of bed knowing im going to class where i'd feel like sleeping!! but.. last subject.. must try to do well..must try to get a job.. try trytry!

things are going pretty well for me so far.. (hopefully not jinxing anything! *touches wood*) cant say the same for a few of my frens.. who are having trouble acclimatizing to the change of circumstances.. i symphatize with them.. i know im going to be faced with something similar.. either staying or going.. i want to help.. i want to be able to take away some of the pain and hurt.. but unfortunately all i can do is listen.. and try to keep their hopes up for the future that im pretty sure will eventuate.. *hugz*

quiet friday nite spent at home.. dancing to jamie cullum.. talking.. getting to know more about each other.. watching a dvd.. its a good quiet friday nite spent.. =)

~But For Now~

6 days back in syd.. miss family.. but.. its good to be back.. no need to report on where im going or whom im going out with or when i'll be back or 1am curfews.. no need to go out of the room to talk on the phone coz ppl walk in n out.. my own place.. privacy.. catching up with some frens and getting to know someone so much better.. ahhh.. fantastic way to spend the last few days of the holiday.. only wish is that i could teleport some of my other frens here.. like yun mel lainey and cheen.. oh n jin too! then.. then it would have been PERFECTO! unfortunately that is not possible.. so.. *shrugs*

new years eve was quiet but memorable.. had dinner with the loh's (plus lyndon's family) and kj.. lyndon n trav bought food from fishmkt and we got some stuff from coles to make as well.. hung out with them on trav;s balcony (with all the furniture moved out so it was reallie cosy and cooling weather) till 15 til.. brought up chairs to the rooftop (dont think we were supposed to be there).. fantastic view of all the fireworks (even tho it was a lil far.. esp for me w/o my glasses).. but then could see all 4 areas.. first new yrs eve away from family but spent with ppl i care for.. after the fireworks.. everyone trouped back down to the balcony.. some tipsy ppl were quite entertaining.. =p .. somehow ended up listening to ghost stories.. *wrinkles nose*..

i'm pretty happy atm.. cept for the whole decision thingie which i kinda made up my mind anyway after going home the last time.. i've embarked on a r/s that seems very promising.. *fingers crossed* after the last heartache.. i've kinda forgotten how special it feels to have someone care for you in that way.. how time flies when you are just cuddling and talking.. the excitement.. the contentment.. the past 6 days have been good.. its a waste that we have to face reality and work/skool once more.. *wrinkles nose*

i miss lainey yun mel.. i wish everyone could come back and be at the same place at the same time!!

*fingers crossed for the future*